HEAL LOUDLY = Holy Spirit x (a life autopsy + honesty before God and His people) x grace

She may have lived in a totally different era centuries ago, but I've never learned more from a woman's attitude towards pain and faith than I have from Naomi. 

I've never been married, but I could see myself following my husband's lead should he be called to a different continent/country. At least that's what I saw Naomi did. Her husband took her out of Bethlehem, to avoid a famine. But, when they managed to leave famine, Naomi ended up only to lose her husband -- and then, she also outlived her two sons. All happened within 10 years. Looking at myself; even fifteen years later my dad's death can still give me that pang of pain. I can't imagine of Naomi's, losing a husband and two sons, being left alone in a foreign land, all within a decade.

 

He can take it.

Naomi's departing message to both her daughters-in-law was heartbreaking. She tried so hard to convince them, how useless it would be for them to stick with her, leaving Moab to return to Bethlehem.  But Ruth persisted.

⁷ With her two daughters-in-law she left the place where she had been living and set out on the road that would take them back to the land of Judah.

⁸ Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May the Lord show you kindness, as you have shown kindness to your dead husbands and to me. ⁹ May the Lord grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband.”

Then she kissed them goodbye and they wept aloud ¹⁰ and said to her, “We will go back with you to your people.”

¹¹ But Naomi said, “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands? ¹² Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— ¹³ would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me!”

¹⁴ At this they wept aloud again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye, but Ruth clung to her.

 

(Ruth 1)

 

When they reached Bethlehem Ruth's arrival stirred the people in the city -- she'd been gone for 10 years and now back in town with a foreign woman. In front of these people Naomi openly showed her bitterness; that it was all on God.   

¹⁹ So the two women went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they arrived in Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them, and the women exclaimed, “Can this be Naomi?”

²⁰ “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. ²¹ I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”

(Ruth 1)

 

And God can take it. 

I think it's in line with His character, how He wants us to speak to Him, to be honest and raw with Him -- so, that makes sense to me, if God can take my bitterness towards Him. 

God is not contradictory, so both truths are logical and consistent; if He is a Person who wants to speak with me and be raw with me, then He must be able to also take in what I "throw" at Him, including my resentment and bitterness.

 

 

 

Life autopsy : a deliberate look at our wounds

Humans are complex beings. How we react towards pain, problems, how we develop our defense mechanism, is a lot of the byproduct of our childhood, upbringing.

As a daughter with a Narcissistic Mother mother, I know what I'm saying.

Narcissistic mothers do not know how to love other people, but themselves. When they show a hint of "love" towards others, it usually involves their son. 

Liam (not his real name) was a guy I first dated in my early 20s. There's nothing special about his physical appearance, average height of Asian men, with longish face he looks nerdy (if a PhD has anything to do with that). I knew as a woman I can nurture my feelings for him, so I went into exclusively seeing him without having any special feelings towards him.  But after a couple of years I still had nothing for him, despite we could talk about anything, politics, social, economy, religion/theology.  But the message on relationships that my own mother gave me in my early 20s, when I had to end things with Liam, was: "You don't need to love him -- but you have to make sure, he loves you."

What makes me happy, what's best for me, matters not to my mother. Every relationship that had to end since, and all the bad things happened in my life, my mother blames me for each of them. Too educated, too westernized, don't look too pretty, don't be too ambitious in your career, are just those things she says that I grew with, even to this very day.

I deserve a healthy mother, God. She's getting worse, God, and psychology literature I read so far, nothing records any mother is healed from this syndrome, God. Why didn't You give me healthy parents, God, when You also allowed me me go through so much in life already?

At least I saw Naomi also did that, Naomi did a life autopsy -- she pointed out the moments in her life where it hurt.

²⁰ “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. ²¹ I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”

(Ruth 1)

This is the part where she was being honest before God -- and His people -- that those things that happened did hurt me: when my husband died, when I had to bury my two sons, I was grieving at the same time I failed to understand why I had to experience all this. This is all what God did to me. "... the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me."

Hesed : share your pain with "safe person"

Naomi shared her bitterness towards God in front of a group of people. From this I see an example, that to heal up our wounds we actually need to share our wounds with God's people. It can also be interpreted further that, by doing so we can hope for the hesed of God's people, to heal.

This hesed is one of the topics strongly shown in the entire book of Ruth.

Many biblical words such as mercy, compassion, love, grace, and faithfulness relate to the Hebrew word hesed (חֶסֶד), but none of these completely summarize the concept. Hesed is not merely an emotion or feeling but involves action on behalf of someone who is in need. Hesed describes a sense of love and loyalty that inspires merciful and compassionate behavior toward another person.

Hesed, found some 250 times in the Old Testament, expresses an essential part of God’s character. When God appeared to Moses to give the Law a second time, He described Himself as “abounding in” or “filled with” hesed, which is translated “love and faithfulness,” “unfailing love,” “faithful love,” “steadfast love,” and “loyal love,” depending on the Bible version (Exodus 34:6–7). The core idea of this term communicates loyalty or faithfulness within a relationship. Thus, hesed is closely related to God’s covenant with His people, Israel. As it relates to the concept of love, hesed expresses God’s faithfulness to His people. ...

While God’s faithful love [hesed] is eternal and limitless, humans, too, can express hesed to one another. As in the case of Jonathan and David (1 Samuel 18:3; 20:8; 2 Samuel 9:1, 3, 7), hesed motivates one person, the superior or more powerful party, to supply a critical need to the lesser or weaker person. Acts of hesed are always performed freely, under no obligation or fear of reprisal. The inspiration behind hesed is born of the relationship between the two parties. Boaz describes Ruth’s kindness toward him and Naomi as hesed (Ruth 3:10).

(gotquestions.org)
 

When we share our wounds with others we can expect hesed of God's people.  In Naomi's case these people seemed to continue calling her "Naomi" and not "Mara", as "Mara" is not mentioned again in other parts of the book.

The trick to sharing our wounds with God's people is, I find, how to identify our "safe person" -- those you can trust with your story. God may place people around you; you name it, classmates, church friends, childhood friends in your neighborhood you grew up with, or acquaintances that become friends. But you need to identify those who are your "safe person". In the sea of people we often refer as "friends", not many we can be raw with.

 

Instant healing is uncommon; most healing takes a process. And the enemy is always lurking to prevent you from healing.

My own story of healing is unique. Because it happened through an "instant" revelation of a passage in my usual daily scripture reading when I wasn't really looking for any answers or solutions to my wounds. (To read the story of my healing, click here.)

As I thought about it the more I realize that the work of the Holy Spirit and God's grace is needed in the healing process -- be it a rather instant one, or where a long detour is involved (because we avoid to deal head on with it). 

Most of us may read God's word routinely and memorize verses in the Bible. But it takes the Holy Spirit to make the dead written words alive and jumps out at us with a heavenly revelation, making the words meaningful and relevant to our situation. It is all to happen by His grace.

Yet, in the same breath, it takes us to be willing and open for the work of the Holy Spirit, for healing, for corrections. 

Our pain and wounds can be a place of comfort zone -- and the enemy is more than happy to use that, to trick us. The spirits of familiarity would tell us these lies, "God is love, you don't have to change. It's painful to deal with your wounds. Just stay where you are. God is love, He won't be mad at you." The enemy is so smart!

Heal loudly. And fulfill God's destiny for you. 

I recently learn to say these prayers, that might be useful for your healing journey:

I cancel every demonic strategy against me and the ones I am called to be connected with, to be covered by, or to cover. 

Holy Spirit, defeat any opposition, limiting beliefs others put on me; and oppositions that come from myself, my own fears, insecurities and inferiorities. 

"... I will go." (Ruth 1:16) to the higher calling of God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love conquers: revisited.

Last week the family I have been attending announced the topic of what they would focus on for 2016: Love Wins. And I was once more made amazed as I was just two weeks earlier, standing in awe of His continued revelation on His love. 

Two weeks before that I was reading from Acts 8 on Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch when God gave me a new revelation on His heart: the inclusiveness of His love, that at the center of His heart is always about saving souls. And by His grace, this reading also healed me from my wound.  

Love that conquers wounded lives
Has it ever happened to you, that you put a certain issue of your life into an invisible closet and you continued your life pretending that you don't have that issue with you anymore. At least I knew I did it to my wound. 
Several times at my last church in Singapore people would come up to me to say, "God loves you." And I never really believed that. That knowledge of God's love for me stopped at my head, and never really reached my heart. If you knew my background, an avid activist in student ministry in my undergraduate years (core committee, worship leader, small-group leader), at the same time a Sunday School teacher at my church, and at least 7 years after that I was in parachurch environment -- a few close friends I shared my wound with, couldn't believe what they heard, that I had difficulty to believe in His love for me. 

For years what I believed to be true, that God's love for me was less than what He graciously gave to others, was healed at the moment He revealed this new meaning on His heart from an 'old' passage that I've read many times before. If He cares so much about the salvation of the Ethiopian eunuch and mine, practically gentiles with more than two thousands years apart, all the more He would have my best interest at heart. And to trust His heart is enough, regardless of any storm I am and will be in.

Love that conquers doubts
I could pretty much imagine what Philip may have had in mind (in much lesser degree of a personal experience, just a few months ago) -- being summoned in a sudden, with little information, Philip sets out with immediate obedience. Divinely Philip intervened the Ethiopian eunuch's journey, As he was going back home, he was sitting in his wagon reading about the early preacher Isaiah (v.28). 

I wonder if Philip would have showed the slightest hint of amusement from the moment he ran up to the eunuch's chariot (v.30), to when he started preaching the good news (v.35) and to baptizing the eunuch (v.38). Because this was one of the very first beginnings when God started to continuously reveal to the disciples that His kingdom is also meant for non-Jews. 

In his obedience Philip exhibits God's perfect love that conquers doubts. 

The unconquerable love
This battle of mine I am currently fighting may not be the last as more others may come, but indeed He has won all of them for me, because this perfect love that conquers my wound and doubts comes from a God who wins.