Despite all these.

Several years ago already a few things struck me in the Captivating book.  One of them being the revelation how Lucifer, the devil, makes the woman a special target, as the book's Chapter 5 describes "A Special Hatred", how then that helps me to understand his attacks against me, a woman, deeply loved by God and deeply hated by him, God's enemy. 

One of the devil's attacks on women is the fear that we will be left alone, abandoned, from the day of the woman's birth. To every woman he has whispered, 'You are alone', or 'No one will ever truly come for you'. He arranges for her to be abandoned, and he puts his spin on every event he can make to make it seem like abandonment.

At least I know I have every reason falling for that fear he's been planting in me:

1. Fatherless
A backslider for many years till he died, my late father was not a saint. But I knew I was always his little girl. There are millions of fatherless daughters in this world, but still, when it happened in my 20s, it is not so common even now to be fatherless, assuming your father was in his late 40s, although men die in a younger and younger age these days. The fact that you do not have an earthly father, a symbol of breadwinner, a protector in a family, can make you feel alone and abandoned. Wait till you hear a story of my friend, how boyfriends ditched her, after finding out that she had an ill father (her dad then passed away, but we think, those guys simply don't want to be dragged into her life, potentially sharing the responsibility of taking care of a bed-ridden father-in-law).        

2. A controlling mother
A British guy told me, his late mother was controlling over his sister.  So, definitely this is not about culture.  In my mother's small world exerting too much control over me and situations surround her seems natural and being one the things she has left to hold on to tightly now, can lead to stress when she looses it. I often times asked friends or acquaintances with psychology background on this, I believe, mental illness -- partly curiosity, partly because I was born and raised in a country with no evident support to children in this situation, so I always try to gather as much knowledge as possible.  
Studies show the damage is for life and now in my 30s I begin to see the damages it has caused, all the more the situation makes me feel alone. PS: In case you need to know what a controlling mother looks like, here can be a good starting place :-)

3. Reverse culture shock
Last week I was very blessed to have spoken briefly to someone who has gone through a reverse culture shock period herself, going on 3.5 years now for her. Coming back to your home-country after being abroad is not easy and a lonely place to be. People here expect you to understand, instantly, all the changes happened when you were away, forgetting that you yourself have changed during that period (x years or x months, is irrelevant). 

Despite all these things...

When last Sunday I heard Jordan on stage speaking of this topic, I know it wasn't particularly heavy or doctrinal whatsoever, but it was very relevant to me. Isn't the invisible God so gracious, to remind the forgetful me, how He took me back to the very fact that I am never alone, because He simply doesn't let me. 

Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? ... Despite all the no human way out situations, ... despite all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Because ... nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. ... neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow...