BiblioBeth

I surrendered. And I surrender again.

2011-11-12T13:35:00.001+08:00

I met Natalie a few years ago in a conference; her organization sort-of hired me doing translation at the 3-day event. An American who had lived in Asia for then almost two decades, Natalie is a wife whose husband was working in one of SEA countries and it was heartbreaking for her when she had to follow her husband moving to another country.

I share her feelings; I'm not really keen on changes, I suppose :) But last week was just another example that changes are part of life. People come, people walk away from our lives... and we'll never be the same.

As I prayed about it, as the news broke last week, it amazes me what His reply to me was.

He told me, "I the Lord do not change."

I broke down in tears as soon as I read that through the book of Malachi.

Two thousands years ago, next week, 5 years ago, yesterday, or 100 more years... how true, You do not change. You're still You. You're always You.

In the midst of changing world and people, You remain the same. As I've been pondering this, I was reading Rajini Vaidyanathan shared her story on her decision moving back to India, decades after her own parents left the country. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-radio-and-tv-15520933

Born and grew up in Milton Keynes, she always felt a strong connection to India and its culture and its customs.

And I understand what she shares in her diary. Now I know what that means. What it means to make a decision of 'coming home' or staying or leaving for other country. I knew that You wanted me to come here... and I never regretted that decision although I've told You plenty of times that I didn't like it here. But now... as it gets harder and harder to take in, I am pleading with you to show me Your will. Again.

Roller coaster.

2011-10-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

Pondering over the past week...

-Death of an uncle. Death of a friend's father. Illnesses.

-Losing a community.

-Dealing with people's pride and ego. (Yes, another lesson on humility for me.)

-Ongoing self-review on my fears.

-Getting my sacrifices and priorities fixed amidst challenges. Constantly.

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

that this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

or the aching of this life

is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

"Blessings" - Laura Story

"... For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

Dark would be okay.

2011-09-04T22:26:00.001+08:00

His reply came immediately... Firstly, by giving me the re-assurance that He hears. He hears and He wants to hear me. Secondly, ya... Obedience -- whatever this refers to. To stay?

What ever may pass and whatever lies before me

let me be singing when the evening comes

Surviving Mode: ON

2011-09-03T00:03:00.001+08:00

It hurts to care. "This is Singapore..." that's how I always remind myself. I know, I know; we need to be practical and less personal, we do not necessarily need to talk to each other, because this is Singapore. Over the years, one of the things that I learned here is to kill my expectations on people. Yet, I found myself unlearning it again and again, especially... today.

I enjoyed eating out with Michelle and her boyfriend. Yay! I liked tandori (it's chicken cooked with some indian spices) and nan (the indian pancake)... They got to accompany me buying my first Punjabi dress =) Lovin' it.

The suppressed emotions I could not show to them, as I had to break down in tears once I got to be alone again in my room... Show me, what are You teaching me this time around. If you want me to leave, open the other doors... I think this was the first time I started to calling out for Papa again after his death. After almost 6 years.

If you want me to stay, heal me... Yes, may You heal me and help me to move on... no matter how hurt that could be.

I got to praying harder for my goodbyes...

Survivor

2011-08-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

Steve Jobs resigns as Apple CEO.. I watched his presentation for the WWDC 2011 Keynote on Apple events and ya, he does look skinny, but I didn't know until today that he's a survivor. A pancreatic-cancer survivor. Knowing how aggressive a pancreatic cancer is, I admire his fighting the battle. I was in his shoes. I know what kind of war that must be. All the best, Steve.

I'm fighting a different kind of war today. Another war of fighting "worthlessness"; to remind myself that I am indeed worthy, that I am not ugly, that I am precious enough to be present in this world. An ongoing war with my own self and today I, too, had to fight the feeling of not wanting to trust someone. I'm not a survivor here. Yet.

It hurts to hope and it hurts more to care.

The heroes and the dead.

2011-07-03T20:55:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling better after the sadness of losing my dog... He died last week, after at least 17 years with us. I really thought that he waited for my brother to be at home, as he was visiting and thus able to bury our dog. Otherwise my mom would have to ask someone else to do it. Goodbye, Gorgie...

I'm still adjusting at my new workplace... The system so far protects me from the crooks. Good. I feel that I could trust my boss to protect me from the evils too... He's a nice young man, I think. And I'll give him a birthday present =) Yay!

These pictures are up on MSN Sports news... on the "greatest dads in sport".
I love Van Persie's picture with his daughter.
Yeah, apart from their million-dolar career, worldwide press coverage on their lives, they are fathers too.

In such times like this, I wish I could have my dad back.

O Lord, keep the curse of leanness of soul far from me. May I never need to cry, "I waste away, I waste away! Woe to me!" - Spurgeon.

"No, Eric, you're not alone."

2011-06-05T01:17:00.000+08:00

X-Men: First Class is just awesome!!! Well, Hugh Jackman was only a cameo, as he got a sentence: "F**k yourself." But I was with some others in the audience who "Ooohhh" when he came into the scene. Hahaha.

Erik Lehnsherr [Michael Fassbender -- oohh, he's cool!] survived the Holocaust due to his unusual power, but not his mother. She was killed in front of him, shot.

This 5 DM coin was given to Erik by then his greatest enemy, Sebastian Shawn. With the same coin, Erik killed him, years later. -- You gotta see how such coin could hit the forehead of Sebastian, passing through his skull, through his head; all slow-motioned. *horrible*

German History was one of my subjects in college -- well, no, I could not avoid that, Es Tut Mir Leid =) and I did learn how the Nazis holocaust is a stain that will remain in German history, apart from various reactions, including denials, of its existence.
The killings remained in the hearts of many who survived today... the pain of losing the loved-ones. The separation. And the fact that you can't even bury the dead.

The tragic death of his mother has haunted Erik in his whole life, it became an anger within him, an agony, became the major force for him to use his power. It was till he met Charles Xavier [James McAvoy -- another cool guy!] who looked into Erik's mind and memory... and understood his pain.

"No, Eric, you're not alone."

My five loaves and two fishes.

2011-05-29T00:49:00.000+08:00

The 3-day meeting was finally over. It was fruitful, as I got to connect with a couple of new contacts that will be beneficial for our work =) *blessed*

Physically a Jap, his American accent and Israeli citizenship are indeed attractive factors. His challenge of taking up the waves of God's purposes was... overwhelming.

My challenges, the boundaries I place on me and people place on me... Not a task to be solved in one night. But it reminds me on how faithful You are. How You look through beyond any boundaries men build. You look through our lives. And wonderful it is that You call us, to be part in the wave of purposes You are sending across Asia and beyond.

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as You will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all"
-- Corrinne May - Five Loaves And Two Fishes

Laura's Story... and Mine

2011-04-17T21:59:00.000+08:00

This morning there was a boy standing on the stage, sharing to us about his recent experience in a country in Southeast Asia... The experience was precious to him and he clearly makes a call to everyone to get to see the needs that he has witnessed as he spent days with the kids growing up in poverty. I'm sure he's not even 15 :-)

I can't really sure why I suddenly found myself... with teary eyes. Oh well, having a melancholic temperament is a thing, I'm sure, but I guess the ongoing war too, is another thing... I'm in a constant battle of relinquishing my control over things in life and it includes... relinquishing my desire of having children of my own. It strikes me more often nowadays that... ya, this could be a tough one. Tough.

I thanked Him for reminding me an hour after that. I don't give up anything... if only I knew what more will be given to me, what more I will find... in You.

stay close by my side
keep your eyes on me
though this life is hard
i will give you perfect peace

in this time of trial
pain that no one sees
trust me when i say
i will give you perfect peace

and you'll never walk alone
and you'll never be in need
though i may not calm the storms around you
you can hide in me
burdens that you bear
offer no relief
let me bear your load
cause i will give you perfect peace

Protector. Provider. Initiator.

2011-04-03T21:00:00.001+08:00

Thank you for these mothers, wives... Being in a marriage institution, they have learned things ahead of me. That includes what it means of letting (qualified/not qualified) men to lead the service. They lead because they are the man. They lead because that's they're supposed to do.

It was never an issue for me, till now -- as I grow older, as I see more violations on the design of what our Creator gave us, what He intended us to be. Passive men, dominating women are just everywhere.

JL couldn't believe me when I told him that I started to cry as we chat over Y! Messenger the other day. And that happened in the office in the midst of busyness! Haha. I told him that this is a painful subject and over time I'm still amazed on how the pain hurts me still. I'm not sure what I'm doing to my wounds. Not handling it very well, I'm afraid.

I told him how I struggle to apply the truth I read from Captivating. I can't imagine giving up my heart to be assaulted, to be vulnerable. Again and again.
To always remember that I'm worthy in His sight is very much something that I need to fight for nowadays. It is far much easier to give in to Satan's deceitful trick that I'm worthless, alone, ugly, incapable, worthless, and worthless. But then, ya... that's part of the battle.

I can't see you.

2011-03-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

Well... my first post from my new gadget =) Yay! It's "Designed in California. Assembled in China." What a statement.

Last night we talked about seeing things that are invisible, as we are deteriorating outwardly... and we could believe that we are actually being renewed day by day. There's too much contrasting here... I could barely grasp the depth of what Paul is trying to tell all of us.

Deteriorating. Yeah, probably I could relate to that better... My fight with the medical world in the past (uumm... well, not really ended) taught me what it means of losing physical strength. But to see beyond that and beyond other losses that I had and I will have; to believe that I am actually being continually renewed through those "craps"... I'm afraid it would take me ages to comprehend that.

Yet, having said that, I know that I did not regret anything... I did not regret those hospitalizations, those injections, those physical pains, a loss of a father, even all the pains that left scars inside me.
A friend had three miscarriages. She still remembered vividly each painful moments, yet... she could say that she has been renewed through each of them. Indeed.

Maybe she's right. The tighter our holds on certain things, the harder ways you choose to teach us letting go.
As I relinquish my control over this, it hurts me terribly... And I know that you're teaching me to let go. Again.

I only knew that you know what you're doing. And you are there. Though I can't see you.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Goodnight, Benjamin.

2011-03-19T00:41:00.001+08:00

I should've not watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button yesterday... Its after-effect was apparent to my headache and depression -- gotta wake up with swollen eyes... something happens rather often these days. Sighs.

How does it feel... like Daisy. She was sought after. Yes. She was pursued. Yes. She was loved. Yes, Benjamin said, "I don't stop loving you." Yet... she knew all along that letting go Benjamin was best to do. She chose to marry another man; a good man, a good father for her daughter, she said.

How I wish to be born some 60 years earlier... Perhaps men were more like men. Even a stammering king knew that he needed an ezer kenegdo... a sustainer, a suitable helper. King George VI had a wife that supported him as he was in constant battle with his stammer. The King's Speech is indeed inspiring =)

I was touched then by how Benjamin loved her daughter, Caroline, from afar. Sending her postcards for every birthday that he missed... for every milestone in her life that he missed. For not being by her side on her first day of school... For not being by her side to teach her piano... For not being there when she had broken-hearts...

I have finally finished Captivating. A record. I was too much of a coward to face such books that reveal so much pain in me. But I finished reading this one.
And I had to weep before You... Most of my pains are unspoken. But You know. You always know. You know, too, how I need to pursue further healing... and that I need to learn how to fight. This is painful, Father...

Queens. Princesses. Mothers. Sisters. Daughters.

2011-03-06T23:48:00.006+08:00

I lost a cousin a couple of days ago. We met in several occasions in our childhood, a son of my dad's younger sister. Sadly, because we didn't live in the same city and I was never much in touch with him, I vaguely remember his face. They said my cousin's death was sudden, he just finished playing soccer with his friends when it happened.

Losing... As we age, the more loss we would have in life. Losing my physical strength, slowly but surely. Losing people, as they leave me for another country or they leave me forever because they died, etc. Yea, I knew that fact. Yet I find myself being taught again and again to let go a hold of things I don't surrender to my Father. To let go. To lose.
I'm learning to lose my hold on this one. The turbulence will be great ahead... It will crush me as it is already now. As I weep...

Why did You create me as a woman?

And of course, the salvation of mankind rested on the courage of a woman, a teenage girl. What if she had said no? What if any of them had said no?To try and give honor to women in the sweep of history is impossible here. ... ... From the beginning, Eve was God's gift to the world--his ezer kenegdo for us. History is still unfolding, and your existence on this earth as a woman is proof that you have an irreplaceable role to play. You are a woman, are you not? An ezer kenegdo to your core. Your lingering disbelief (may it be fading away) that anything important hangs on your life is only evidence of the long assault on your heart by the one who knows who you could be and fears you.

There is much life saving that needs to be done yet, ... ... ... Your feminine heart is an invitation by your Creator. To what? To play an irreplaceable role in his Story. Isn't that what your Lover wrote there? Some dream, some desire, something so core to who you are it almost hurts to think of it. The very longing is such a part of your being it's scary even to give it a voice. You may not know the dream itself yet. But you know the longing to play an irreplaceable part. That is a good beginning.

Ezer is woven into the fabric of your feminine heart. You must live this out. What lives, what destinies are hanging on your yes to God?
(Captivating, "An Irreplaceable Role", 207)

... I cry to you for help and you do not answer me;
I stand, and you only look at me...
(Job)

Concealer? Mine's from Clinique.

2011-02-24T23:37:00.001+08:00

I was in touch with an ex-colleague on MSN today... I knew that she got this other education-sector related job several months back, but I didn't know till today the dark side of the job.

We had a great time working for the same organization till last year... and we had to part, now scattered. I do regret that this new organization is not any better for her than our previous employer. Sighs. I hate it when it's "dark" and evil in education field.

Do you know that it is illegal in Singapore to work if you are a Student Pass holder? If I were to run my own business, establish my own private school, and told the students I recruited from other countries that they could work in Singapore while they study in my school, what would you call me?

Got a call from my Germany-based supervisor today and talked over the phone for some 1.5 hours, I couldn't but think through of what I am doing... and what I am aspire to be.
What are You teaching me? What have You been trying to show me?
As the wickedness presents in every single workplace, how could I actively promote changes?

The beautiful and handsome models that we often see in the magazines or on TV or put up high there on the billboards are not as perfect as what they are portrayed to be.
Photoshop is a technology that works like magic, isn't it? =)

Throughout millions of years of human race, I think we have not changed much... we still sin, do the same mistakes, we say the wrong words, we have the wrong motivations for doing the good things...
We could do any "magic" on our lives and it would help you to conceal some REAL things beneath. We can do anything that we like in life, anything. At the same time, we can deny the existence of a divine Creator as we live our own lives, being the boss of our own fate.

Millions of people are doing it, billions more have done it. Nothing much new.
And you know what... our Creator does not change at all, too! He still hates sin, He is still all-knowing, He is still loving us =) and longs for us to turn to Him.

"Woman, why are you crying?"

2011-02-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure if I would like rivalry :-( Natalie Portman plays very well as Nina in Black Swan; totally consumed with her ambition to be the Swan Queen, a new project launched by her ballet company, I saw the representation of what it means "something fierce in the heart of a woman". Nina is haunted by 'perfection' in her own standard; she decides to pursue her dream, the deepest longing to be "my little princess".

I feel sad for a friend; another reality how the assaults on a woman's heart continues to this very day -- I know what they call Your "holy place" is not a place for holy people, still... I mourn over our "boys who can shave".

Shame on them.

Yet... forgiveness is a choice. Indeed. She is angry. I am angry. She thinks she was a fool, devastated to know that she could be hurt so much. I am devastated to know how her heart is assaulted. But, yes, we chose to forgive.

However, as we forgive, what is wrong remains wrong. It matters. It hurts us deeply. And we are thankful that we know where to turn to with this wounded assaulted heart.

A God who calls His own by names, You called Mary and asked her, "Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"

Your resurrection meets each of us at our needs. And we turn to You for healing...

Hooters Girl

2011-02-19T15:44:00.009+08:00

Fox Business has this story of a 20-years old girl named Chante Rivera working as Hooters girl a year and a half ago. Has been working since the age of 13, Rivera had to find her own ways to pay for her schooling. This job with Hooters was the one she could find. With a rising unemployment rate of 9%, I do understand that many other young people in the US will need to support their own education.

Notorious for the attractive girls as its waitresses, at Hooters, Rivera could still find guys who will tip her $100 for a couple of beers. But it interests me of what she says,

"The guys who've given me $100 tips have never once asked me out," Rivera said. "They just want to have a pretty girl sit and talk with them."

Read more: http://www.foxbusiness.com/markets/2011/01/12/nice-wholesome-hooters-girl-kids/#ixzz1ENwk3tNl

It's not the point of the story, but... =) reading Chapter 8 of Captivating, "Beauty to Unveil", I am once again reminded that beauty dwells in every woman. It was given to her by her Creator. It was given to me too. God's beauty (and goodness) is reflected through his creation all around us... But my beauty is veiled when I let my fear overcome me, when I hide and refuse to be vulnerable. It does hurt when you care of someone who doesn't reciprocate =) but as I now try to keep my hearts open and alive, and find refuge and healing from my Creator, it is liberating when I surrender whatever results I may get...

Beauty invites. How he responds -- if he responds -- is not in her hands. But still, she invites. (Captivating, 144).

Unveiling our beauty really just means unveiling our feminine hearts.
It's scary, for sure. ... We'll have to trust him that we have a beauty, that what he has said of us is true. And we'll have to trust him with how it goes when we offer it, because that is out of our control. We'll have to trust him when it hurts, and we'll have to trust him when we are finally seen and enjoyed. That's why unveiling our beauty is how we live by faith.
Unveiling our beauty is our greatest expression of hope. We hope that it will matter, that our beauty really does make a difference. We hope there is a greater and higher Beauty, hope we are reflecting that Beauty, and hope it will triumph. ..........
And unveiling beauty is our greatest expression of love, because it is what the world most needs from us. When we choose not to hide, when we choose to offer our hearts, we are choosing to love. .... Our focus shifts from self-protection to the hearts of others. We offer Beauty so that their hearts may come alive, be healed, know God. That is love. (Captivating, "Beauty to Unveil", 149)

Start doing.

2011-02-15T22:21:00.000+08:00

One more book we're done reading in our UPG meeting. Yay!!! But... Yeah, another book authored by an American. *sighs* Never mind, just a continual struggle of mine on becoming less americanized, sort of :-)

We're kind of excited, thrilled to practice some practical tips that Medearis gave us. A couple of them are... TO HAVE FUN! And... BE YOURSELF! We should also be multidimensional. Deep. Full of integrity and with many sides.
Drinking my cup of chocolate now, I'm thinking... hhhmmm.... ya, I think I could do that, Father. I am blessed with having a wide-range of musical taste, an example. I like classical music to Daughtry, to Linkin Park; I like Josh Groban to Miley, and to Beyonce... *beams*
Help us to find them... those whom you have chosen before the world began.

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind
words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Nature or Culture?

2011-02-13T23:29:00.019+08:00

The Youth in our family are playing a short drama this evening. It kind of reminds me of what I'm reading about my greatest Enemy. Yeah, I could be a puppet of my Enemy.

It started in the garden.

Notice--who does the Evil One go after? Who does Satan single out for his move against the human race? He could have chosen Adam... but he didn't. Satan went after Eve. He set his sights on her. Have you ever wondered why? It might have been that he, like any predator, chose what he believed to be the weaker of the two. There is some truth to that. ... But we believe there is more. Why does Satan make Eve the focus of his assault on humanity? "A Special Hatred", Captivating, 84.

It was a mind-breaking moment when I learned that... No, I did not sin by having this desire, as the Creator of this world longs for Romance; it is God who longs to be our ezer; it is God who reveals beauty as essential to life. You are the image bearer of this God. That is why you long for those things too. Yet, I sin when I shut my heart down, as I let myself to be held prisoner to the wounds and the messages of those wounds... It has been devastating that I learned to hide my vulnerability, hide my heart, fear of being 'too much' and unsafe.

And most of you are living with the guilt that somehow it's your fault you aren't more deeply pursued now. That you do not have an essential role in a great adventure. That you have no beauty to unveil. The message of our wounds nearly always is, "This is because of you. This is what you deserve." It changes things to realize that, no, it is because you are glorious that these things happened. It is because you are powerful. It is because you are a major threat to the kingdom of darkness. Because you uniquely carry the glory of God to the world.
You are hated because of your beauty and power. "A Special Hatred", Captivating, 86.

Ever since Papa died, I've always given high appreciation to older men who care for me... Appreciate their advices, their opinions, etc. It points out, again, on how my Enemy had a hand in all of this.

"Back off," or, "Leave her alone," or, "You don't really want to go there--she'll be too much for you" is something Satan has sent against every woman from the day of her birth. It's the emotional and spiritual equivalent of leaving a little girl by the side of the road to die. And to every woman he has whispered, "You are alone," or "When they see who you really are, you will be alone," or "No one will ever truly come for you." "A Special Hatred", Captivating, 89.

Fear of abandonment. And as I fear, I am unconsciously and consciously taking over the control of my life into my own hands. That's the work of my Enemy...

If he didn't arrange for the assault directly--and certainly human sin has a large enough role to play--then he made sure he drove the message of the wounds home into your heart. He is the one who has dogged your heels with shame and self-doubt and accusation. He is the one who offers the false comforters to you in order to deepen your bondage. He is the one who has done these things in order to prevent your restoration. For that is what he fears. He fears who you are; what you are; what you might become. He fears your beauty and your life-giving heart. "A Special Hatred", Captivating, 91.

Praise! For there is One greater than my Enemy. One who has sought you out from the beginning of time. He has come to heal your broken heart and restore your feminine soul.
But, if you find me too reserved sometimes, yes... it's part of my culture to be shy and reserved even when I'm holding great feelings for you. My culture. That's all.

"There's nothing I could do."

2011-02-05T00:01:00.019+08:00

We watched "Gifted Hands" this evening in our small 'family'. Ben Carson (Cuba Gooding Jr.) just lost his twin babies... His wife survived the miscarriage, but the pain of losing the twins was overwhelming (it is always sad to see a man weep)... A famous neurosurgeon, this is what he told his mom, "There's nothing I could do."

Reading the chapter "Healing the Wound" of Captivating, I realized how much damage had been done to a woman's heart. It has been assaulted; it might be obvious as in the strories of physical, verbal, or sexual abuse.

... Or it might be more subtle, the indifference of a world that cares nothing for her but uses her until she is drained.. Forty years of being neglected damages a woman's heart too, dear friends. Either way, the wounds continue to come long after we're "grown up", but they all seem to speak the same message. ...
We don't feel worthy of pursuit. So we hang a Do Not Disturb sign on our personalities, and send a "back off" message to the world. ............

The assaults continue to this very day. As you back off on me, it hurts me even more. I am fighting in silence, to be seen, to be heard. But ... "For there is One greater than your Enemy. One who has sought you out from the beginning of time. He has come to heal your broken heart and restore your feminine soul. ..."

Why did God curse Eve with loneliness and heartache, an emptiness that nothing would be able to fill? Wasn't her life going to be hard enough out there in the world, banished from the Garden that was her true home, her only home, never able to return? It seems unkind. Cruel, even.

He did it to save her. For as we all know personally, something in Eve's heart shifted at the Fall. Something sent its roots down deep into her soul -- and ours -- that mistrust of God's heart, that resolution to find life on our own terms. So God has to thwart her. In love, he has to block her attempts until, wounded and aching, she turns to him and him alone for her rescue.

Let me touch the hem of your garment, and be healed... for there's nothing I could do.

(un)Seen. (un)Known. (un)Treasured.

2011-02-03T21:56:00.000+08:00

It was at least ten years ago. The Book of Nehemiah astonished me... as I was (and am)building my "Jerusalem wall". And now I mourn over my shameful, pathetic Jerusalem wall... I'm afraid I am wasting so much time, assets that You have entrusted me with, Father. The organization is coming back to me, asking me, again, to take over the chairing of the council from my predecessor. I turned it down twice since two years ago. Things are still not getting better now... but You have been saying otherwise. I'm scared reading what You've been telling me through... This is something that I never did before, leading a growing organization with very much current damages and tasks ahead.

Be with me, building my Jerusalem wall... But, first, be with me as I now praying it all over again and listen to You. Let me mourn over my own sins... my family's sins... my friends' sins... my nation's sins...

O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open, to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel your servants, confessing the sins of the people of Israel, which we have sinned against you.

Even I and my father’s house have sinned. We have acted very corruptly against you and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, and the rules that you commanded your servant Moses. Remember the word that you commanded your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the peoples, but if you return to me and keep my commandments and do them, though your outcasts are in the uttermost parts of heaven, from there I will gather them and bring them to the place that I have chosen, to make my name dwell there.’ They are your servants and your people, whom you have redeemed by your great power and by your strong hand.
O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayers of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man.”

(Neh. 1:5-11).

As I endure with the pains, be with me in tearing down the other wall... I have forsaken You and dug my own cisterns... cisterns that cannot hold water. I was no longer closer to life as You meant it to be for every little girl...

... He won't risk, he won't fight, and he won't rescue Eve. Our first father--the first real man--gave in to paralysis. He denied his very nature and went passive. And every man after him, every son of Adam, carries in his heart now the same failure. Every man repeats the sin of Adam, every day. We won't risk, we won't fight, and we won't rescue Eve. We truly are a chip off the old block. (Wild at Heart)
-- "Haunted by a Question", Captivating, 49.

A Year That Was

2011-01-07T20:55:00.000+08:00

It's not printed on a fancy paper... It's a picture of world's map as its front page. It's the wedding invitation of Alice. It would be an interracial marriage... something that I am fond of.

You had practically used up almost my entire 20s to deal with doctors, medical terms and sorts... only to realize now how much more I want a "normal" life.
Thanking You for speaking to me through John 15 -- again -- in the beginning of another year. You have made Your choice; You chose me... You chose me for You. For Your sake. For Your reputation. For Your name.

And for that purpose, You prune me, so I "may bear more fruit". You do know how painful it is when You prune me, don't You? But I know, too, that You do not care much about it... because You chose me for Your sake. Your reputation is much more important.

Remind me of that... That as long as Your name is protected, secured, magnified, my wellbeing and dreams have to be put out of the way. Help me to always prioritize You, You and You alone... Because You deserve it. You are the Owner of my life and the entire universe.

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

Hope for the Hurting

2010-12-19T21:23:00.000+08:00

Despite my desperation every now and then for having this upbringing, having this kind of mother, how those resulted in how disadvantaged I am now... I still think that... there are a lot of things to be grateful about by being me =)

As friends put it, I'm too 'soft' and could be easily manipulated.  I can't read people. I'm not 'sharp' to notice the false and pretense in people. And many other weaknesses :(

Again, I still think that there's something to be thankful for...  I think my upbringing enables me to relate well with people, or as my ex-boss puts it, I make new connections smoothly. Uummm... an ex-colleague, he's a School Counselor, says that I'm with EQ :)

Last Sunday I noticed how true enough it is, that in every pew sits a broken heart. Not that she's full of hatred or she's rude... but... being a woman, a mother, a wife, a friend of mine definitely has her own wounds... and how the masks she puts on may not reveal those pains.

I've met and dealt with some tougher cases since I came to SG some 6 years ago.  Even my Indonesian friends are proven to be a different kind of people as they spent many years living here... very practical, less personal, and... (I'm afraid) legalistic :( But, I think, still, they're better than of similar cases I found in my local friends.

None of us is immune to physicall illness, deaths of our loved ones, unemployment, divorces, and the list of other adversities in life certainly does not stop there. People who sit in the pews next to you on Sundays may suffer from one or several of these sufferings and yet... we fail to recognize the wounded hearts.

In the world that requires us to be more and more independent, instantaneous, we put on some 'masks' that could conceal our pains -- people see us as how we picture ourselves to the outer world (we could show them how strong we are, cheerful as we may be) yet we know that we're wounded in the inside.

It must be for a reason, God, that you put me in this family, with this kind of upbringing... where I had the privilege growing up with PDA (public display of affection... hahahaha) as my parents hug and kiss me even in public, I talk to my parents about my life, my friends... I grew up with gifts, etc. I think You are using that background of mine to be sensitive in relating with people, I think it makes me more understanding than most people... Yet help me not to get carried away with the stream of hectic life; grant me the courage to leave my comfort zone, so I could be sensitive to those wounded and be strong as they may hurt me (and I hurt them) when I try to reach out to them...

Broken Hearts

2010-12-05T00:24:00.001+08:00

She was my schoolmate back in primary school... Visiting SG for a few days, she's enjoying her holiday here with her mom, two kids (8 and 5), and an aunt. I was so excited meeting her after... 18 years at least! We hugged each other and one of my first questions was, "So, your husband is not coming with you?"

She left her kids with her mom and aunt, so we could spend some time for dinner. And... I knew, another broken heart was speaking out of the thirst and longing of love... Eternal love, I believe. Her marriage is not working well. She's persevering for the kids sake. And she's trying to find "a new love" while she's in this rocky road.

Praying for her, Father... With her parents divorce, I understand that she had never seen an exemplary healthy marriage. But even though my parents lived together till death parted them, I too failed to witness what biblical-manhood means. I still have a tough time to believe that such thing exists till this very day.

The boys remain being boys in here. And the men outside the four walls know how to treat us, respect us, treasure us better.

Sustain me, Father. Be with me... Help me to not ceasing coming to you with a broken heart each time I sit in that pew and barely witness significant improvement in what we term as biblical manhood.

Take heart. Take heart.

Achtung: Lady Di, Utrecht & croissant

2010-06-09T17:16:00.000+08:00

Some friends strongly advise me to start praying... for God to remove this particular 'aura' off me. LOL. Yeah, I kinda attract danger -- I could be picked up, literally, by men on the street or a target for criminals.

A middle-aged Canadian man asked me to change my seat on the plane, to sit with him on my way back to SG on an SQ flight. Or... a Spanish guy that suddenly appeared behind me when I was at Marks&Spencer, asking for my phone number!

But some friends argue that... "You don't have to remove that aura! Puhleeze! Other girls are dying to be attractive to guys. You should maintain that appeal!!! You gotta use it, girl!" LOL. Well, anyway, the debate will last forever, I suppose :-) and I have not started praying. Haha...

I'm so not Eurasian (:

I've been communicating again with Tante Carla... an aunt of mine who lives in Utrecht. We started talking after Papa's passing and now I'm updating her on our family every now and then... I think it's a nice thing to be connected again with a family member thousands of miles separated from you.

Did you know that they auctioned Lady Di's black-gown? It looks gorgeous! I think Prince Charles is kinda... *shrug* I dunno, they report that he doesn't like it! Weird.

I accompanied a cousin at Kinokuniya about a couple of months ago as she visited SG for a few days. As she was browsing for architecture books, I was flipping through a book of Di's photos (it's in 3 languages: English, German and French), she was so adorable!

Men are stupid, rite. LOL. I can't but always being sympathetic knowing about what Prince Charles did to her. How could he possibly treat her that bad. And Camilla was not even up to par. Sighs.

C'est vrai!

Don't quit (the BlackBerry)

2010-04-30T23:47:00.001+08:00

Ne me quitte pas.

Have you ever felt lost? I mean, lost. Really lost. I don't even know what I want. Isn't it better to just do whatever people decide for you... But nobody will decide for me. I'm a big girl. And I won't quit.

Had a chat with my landlady and one of my flatmates, Miss Audit, I was amazed by the determination showed by this very 26-year old flatmate of mine; she's almost 3 years younger than me but is determined to reach higher and higher salary and thus aiming for getting other jobs that will take her there. Wow... on the other hand, I amazed them! Hahaha. Much less ambitious, I just wanna be... a housewife!

This morning Asa added me as his contact for his BB Messenger. Oh, he's my high-school classmate, mind you. As he invited me to join the group, suddenly I was overwhelmed by messages sent by some other classmates... We parted from junior-high in 1996! Many years have passed behind us and we all move on with our lives. Don't quit!

You don't have to wait... he's not coming back.

2010-02-12T23:59:00.020+08:00

Suitcase packed with all his things Car pulls up, the doorbell rings He don't wanna go He thought he'd found his home But with circumstances he can't change Waves goodbye as they pull away From the life he's known for the last 7 months or so She said, "We've found a man who looks like you, who cried and said he never knew, about the boy in pictures that we showed him, a rambler in his younger days. He knew he'd made a few mistakes but he swore he would have been there had he known it Son, we think we found your dad in Oklahoma." A million thoughts raced through his mind What's his name, what's he like and will he be anything like the man in his dreams. She could see the questions in his eyes whispered "don't be scared my child" I will let you know what we know About the man we found, he looks like you who cried and said he never knew about the boy in pictures that we showed him a rambler in his younger days. He knew he'd made a few mistakes but he swore he would have been there had he known it. You always said that this was something that you wanted Son, it's time to meet your dad in Oklahoma One last turn he held his breath till they reached the faint house on the left and all at once the tears came rollin in and as they pulled into the drive the man was waiting there outside. He wiped the worry from his eyes smiled and took his hand and he said I'm the man who looks like you who cried because I never knew about the boy in pictures that they showed me Oh, a rambler in my younger days I knew I'd made a few mistakes But I swear I would have been there had I known it. Never again will you ever be alone Son, welcome to your home in Oklahoma

All of These

2010-02-07T22:39:00.001+08:00

How vast His grace, How great His faithfulness, How deep His Love, How rich His mercy, How high his thoughts, How sure His wisdom, And all of these, He gives to me! So I will praise Him, with every breath, For He has rescued me from certain death, Now this life I live, I live in Him. Oh let His glory shine, while mine grows dim. How just his ways, how good his discipline, How pure his truth, How kind His goodness. How calm His peace, How long His patience, And All of these He gives to me! So I will praise Him, with every breath, For He has rescued me from certain death, Now this life I live, I live in Him. Oh let His glory shine, while mine grows dim. How great his power, How grand His majesty, How true His will, How high His glory, How strong his might, How real his triumph, And all of these He gives to me! So I will praise Him, with every breath, For He has rescued me from certain death, Now this life I live, I live in Him. Oh let His glory shine, while mine grows dim. words & music Craig Curry

Dubai

2009-12-05T14:27:00.007+08:00

Crawling, we are reaching Chapter 12 of "Discipling Nations". Yay! Darrow Miller is indeed cool!

We were reading the part about "Thrift -- Save as Much as You Can" where he writes:

The future demands delayed gratification, sacrifice, and self-denial. Those who live only for today may well be poor tomorrow. The hedonist's motto is "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." Perhaps, it should be "Eat, drink, and be merry, and tomorrow we will be poor." Excessive spending today is often a predictor of future poverty. A wealthy country such as Saudi Arabia could well become poor if it does not wisely invest its oil wealth. In fact, we can expect this.

Huhu. He's cool, isn't he? Yep, and now the world is watching Dubai falling, financially. Well, Jtg told us how this book is his fave now :D *grin* I think it's mine too! -- after "Five Points of Calvinism" when I was in college... and "Mendapatkan-Mu Dalam Kehilanganku" and "For Such a Time As This" and "Where is God When It Hurts?"... uummm... oh, and after "What's So Amazing About Grace?" :-)

However, Jtg pointed out how "American" this book is *LOL* Well, not only the writer is an American, but... inside it... well, we can find principles like investment, free markets, democratic capitalism, and how fondly Miller mentions about "the Founding Fathers of the United States" :) Haha. He's kinda concerned that we might be "biased" and too "Americanized". Anyways, we love this book!

Sighs. I'm kinda worried about my trip to Medan next week... and it's crazily hectic at the office -- making things worse :( Attending Bryan's birthday party a few days ago was one of the good ways to unwind... and my new BB Curve... and dinner with friends tonight at Marché!

Keep it dry. Keep it dry.

2009-12-02T08:23:00.003+08:00

Don't turn away Dry your eyes, dry your eyes Don't be afraid But keep it all inside, all inside When you fall apart Dry your eyes, dry your eyes Life is always hard "Belle of the Boulevard" -- Dashboard Confessional You always know what you are doing, don't You... to take me where You want me to be. But sometimes it is too painful, as You are bruising me.

This is tenebrous. But to obey.

2009-10-31T09:05:00.004+08:00

Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; ...

Dumbledore drew himself up to his full height. 'I take you with me on one condition: that you obey any command I might give you at once, and without question.' 'Of course.' 'Be sure to understand me, Harry, I mean that you must follow even such orders as "run", "hide" or "go back". Do I have your word?' 'I -- yes, of course.' 'If I tell you to hide, you will do so?' 'Yes.' 'If I tell you to flee, you will obey?' 'Yes.' 'If I tell you to leave me, and save yourself, you will do as I tell you?' 'I --' 'Harry?' They looked at each other for a moment. 'Yes, sir.' 'Very good. Then I wish you to go and fetch your Cloak and meet me in the Entrance Hall in five minutes' time.' Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, 2005, Bloomsbury, JK Rowling.

... being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Road to Perdition

2009-09-30T13:57:00.004+08:00

A poem that I got from my Boss... that he got from a website :)

The Road to Extra-Ordinary

When

our work is an expression of our greatest calling,

of our unique gifts,

Then

we are infinitely energetic,

boundlessly creative,

and passionately commited to our work,

Thus engaged,

we bring

not just our hands,

our heads

and our hearts to work,

We bring the full force of our inestimable human potential,

This is how we become Extra-Ordinary!

Persevering... I ache. ... Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

He's 61 and she's 38; a British and a Thai.

2009-09-23T09:02:00.006+08:00

My boss was 37 when he married his then 26-year-old wife of a different racial background. In my Christmas card, I told him that he's one of the rarely unique Singaporeans I've ever met during my decent 5-year inhabitancy here. Yesterday's incident proved me, again, that he's indeed unique :) Dealing with unscrupulous, unethical business partners of our school, this recent incident experienced by our foreign students has disgusted me. And I heard my boss calling me from inside his room, "Beth, you're right, Singaporeans are disgusting and irritating!"

The sharpness of his point of view, the way he looks on things, his ability to see his own nation's shortcomings... they're just amazing :) Moreover, he's always been like a father for us, like giving us tips about men, relationship, marriage, etc. Hahaha. He once told us how age gap is fantastically good in relationships; well, referring to his case. And how he was concerned about him aging, health problems may come uninvited, yet without having a wife.

Looking at Michael J. Fox on Oprah a few days ago, he reminded me of my boss' story. Living with Parkinson, I could see how the tremor, postural instability showed in every movement Fox made are the vivid signs of the disease in him. Fox told the audience about Tracy, his wife, how she sees beyond physical, accepting him and supporting him... which made me see the real example of living out the vow "... in sickness and in health, ... till death do us part".

2009-09-21T00:54:00.002+08:00

Praying my goodbyes

... cling to what is good.

2009-09-13T16:12:00.005+08:00

She was standing in front of me. Crying. She's one of my students, a domestic worker. "Is there anything I could pray for you?" I asked. She nodded, but she couldn't say a word. I, too, have gone through times when I simply couldn't speak when I came before Him. Just tears... weeping. Oswald Chambers reminded me about it:

There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you. The Shrouding of His Friendship. ... you will think that He is an unkind friend, but remember -- He is not. The time will come when everything will be explained. ... When God appears to be completely shrouded, will you hang on with confidence in Him? The Shadow of His Fatherhood. ... there are times when your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural father -- as if He were callous and indifferent -- but remember, He is not. ... If all you see is a shadow on the face of the Father right now, hang on to the fact that He will ultimately give you clear understanding and will fully justify Himself in everything that He has allowed into your life. The Strangeness of His Faithfulness. ... Will He find the kind of faith that counts on Him in spite of the confusion? ... He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now.

I've been praying without knowledge for the past year... I feel ridiculed, deluded. I am confused. I do not know what I ask, Father...

Faithful One

2009-09-02T21:40:00.004+08:00

I was relieved today... I think I'm crazy: I just asked our business partner who is based in Germany, to help me listening to Brian Doerksen's Faithful One, to decipher its lyric. LOL. And he doesn't mind! Yay! *grateful* Because of my big-mouth, my Boss thinks that it would be GREAT for me to sing the first verse of the song which is sung in German. I was just kidding when I blurted that out, but he took it seriously! Silly me. My deepest condolences to the people in Tasikmalaya and its surrounding cities who were killed by, lost their family members and homes, as the 7.0-magnitude quake hit West Java and Jakarta this afternoon. As Indonesia sits on the so-called Pacific Ring of Fire, where several tectonic plates converge, I think... natural disaster is... our friend. It's weird. As Chiny told me, when she saw me reading medical journals/articles: I befriend my illnesses. Meanwhile, if I about to agree with Darrow Miller (which I think I do), to be the radical middle, what is my personal responsibility to myself and to my community? This is tough. *wanna cry*

Phelps-obsessed

2009-08-28T16:35:00.007+08:00

It's interesting for me to read about the Phelps-obsessed swimming society in the US... One of their athletes, named Aaron Peirsol, will be coming to SG for the Fina World Cup. And in the interview, he had to give an answer regarding the "suit". Haha. The notorious Arena swimming suit. Here's the excerpt: Q: You sound like you want the suits to stay on if possible. A: I don't know if we had enough time to let this whole thing digest to be honest with you. I don't know if people made a decision very rashly, very quickly. And it's a good decision to protect what they call the integrity of the sport. But I guess I started looking at it as also something from a progressive movement point of view as well of what it was doing to the sport, how it was helping not just the top levels but it was also starting to trickle down all over the world for a lot of summits. It was kind of elevating the competition within the sport. And I don't see anything wrong with that to be honest with you. It was just a point of view, a perspective that I had kind of changed in my mind. The integrity of the sport. Wow. And looking at myself, my work, I can't stop wondering why we can't have the sense of integrity in what we do here. LOL. Another interesting thing I heard today is to know a man's perspective, how he "refused to give himself emotionally to a woman". Hhmmm... It's to me an enlightenment. But, something changed him and "opened his eyes" that "life is better when you give to someone else instead of yourself". So, it's not merely about "men who fear commitment". I'm trying to digest...

That's simply pulchritudinous!

2009-08-27T18:29:00.001+08:00

Tweeting, Max told us that his daughter wrote a super book about daughters and their dads... I'd like to buy this book XOXO I hope I'm not too old to read it... I think the challenges wouldn't get any easier for women of these days. Don't cry... we are beautiful in His sight; He's our Creator.

FierceFinance

2009-08-25T22:02:00.002+08:00

A movie that will, well, dramatize the last days of Lehman Brothers fall is in the making. Yayyy! Aren't they so creative? Well, I do hope that we can learn something from it. Like... how damn high they pay its executives. LOL.

Reading FierceFinance, the e-bulletin about financial services, I kinda... feel sick. Hahaha. Our notorious colleague in the Finance Dept has just returned from his 2-week holiday and we're in a sort of... why-is-he-here-again kind of mood. I'm afraid I don't know how to get over this; that Finance Dept and Marketing Dept would always have different point of views and policies and approaches, etc. Meanwhile, I think letting go is part of the process of being mature. Living in SG for the past 5 years does not help me much in exercising it. Convenience or comfort is a vivid threat here. Apart from my struggles with the medical world, I don't suffer much, I daresay. I'm still quite protected behind the fence and electronic security system that protect our apartment. If I were not a volunteer in hospital, I may not keep in touch with sufferings. And my mom is still protective as always. What a too-comfortable way of living. Flying Falling The pain behind me Sound Lose Empire of illusions Today I hold nothing in my hands When you are not here, my heart is gone. Isabel, if you go your God will get angry at you. So do not let this love die like that. I cried, I'm crying And suffering in solitude Come back to me and I will make you happy, Isabel. Seeking Feeling The passion of love Treat fleeing when the time comes Escaping from the past You and I just love forever lasts Today I hold nothing in my hands When you are not here, My heart is gone Isabel Where can I go Isabel Where can I go, without you? I dont know how to survive without you

speechless with sorrow

2009-08-18T10:49:00.000+08:00

After two biz trips in a row over the past two weeks, I'm finally back in SG -- the aging society :) I think this 2-day medical leave is good for me. RIP Yasmin Ahmad. People change. Things have changed. Values are much different nowadays. But, Thy faithfulness and lovingkindness remain the same, today and forever. Hold me, through the stillness and the storm.

Celebrating with the nation: Happy 44th Birthday, Singapore!

2009-08-09T19:58:00.000+08:00

I chatted with one of my Singaporean friends today. Interestingly, he says he's kinda against NDP (National Day Parade -- an event held annually to commemorate Singapore's independence day in which Air Force, Navy, artistes, etc, perform and show off their many abilities. Oh, it includes flying military planes, btw). Haha. It's interesting to know his stand. I watched it on TV for awhile though. And... Wow! It was... wow! I wonder how many millions of dollars they spent for that :) Not my business, I guess. Or is it? Yeah, I guess it is. Well, it's all about tax payers money. Haha. It's a grandiose, magnificent celebration, man! ... with those laser and firework shows. Wow. I think the NDP I attended two years ago was... kinda boring. I liked the dance performances... 'cos I do like such art performances, theatres, etc. Well, Singapore, happy birthday, then! I saw your new ION mall at Orchard, it looks great. And... last week I saw the development site for the upcoming two casinos. Your F1 Night Race is coming soon. Not to mention Il Divo performs here exactly on my birthday. Tsk tsk tsk... Well, wishing you all the best on this special day!

My dragonfly

2009-08-08T11:27:00.000+08:00

The two men are having their meals. They're wearing the same attire; uniforms, white short-sleeved shirt with flying wings and badges on their shoulders, tie and black pants. Papa used to wear them too, but without those ranks, I fondly recalled. He was buried dressed in his uniform and his blazer... Cardiac arrest after his trip from Osaka had taken him away from me. It happened three years ago and... it's not so painful now, but still... sometimes I wonder what would happen if he was still with us. I would always be his princess... whom he'd always proud of. I grew up with touches and kisses from my parents, I used to sit on his lap even until I was a university student. But I know, to recover from my wounds that he caused after his betrayal to my mum, it takes way a long time... To heal my misbeliefs about men, even about myself. And God's been graciously and patiently working in me. I suddenly realized that one of the two men is staring back at me. I quickly looked away and made my move to the waiting lounge, for my flight that will take me out of the hectic Singapore for several days. I am only enabled to watch HBO movies on two conditions: I am hospitalized and I stay overnight at hotels. Haha. We have cable here at our apartment, but my flatmates decided to only order Mandarin channels -- while I'm more into Hollywood. Haha. Well, I seldom watch TV anyway, so I don't mind with that. In Dragonfly movie, Kevin Costner is a grieving doctor who lost his wife in a bus accident, deep in the forested areas in Venezuela where his doctor wife has been volunteering helping the people there. He tried to cope with his loss, just the same like I did. He worked 24hr a day, 7 day a week like crazy after her passing. Yet his boss asked him again and again to take a couple of month leave, because he needs to grieve. Maybe I never really took my time to grieve... I initally thought SG is a good place to swallow all my grief, but maybe I should've taken my time to cry and to lament over his passing. I know that we need to be present and not to embrace the past. Yet the sorrow still keeps coming back each time I look at the pictures, taken on his funeral service. Thank You, for this grief, Lord.

€conomic$! Culturally.

2009-07-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

Mark's status on his MSN is currently "Temasek only down S$40 billion". Hahaha. Yeah, Mr. Goodyear finally decided to leave the Singapore's state-owned investment fund -- just four months after his appointment to the board and two-and-a-half months before the American businessman was appointed as its CEO. PN Balji commented on this in his article, titled "Did Somebody Forget This Thing Called Culture?" Well, I think he's right,

Temasek is no ordinary company. To run it, having good business acumen is not enough. You need to understand not just the dynamics of the company, but that of its associate companies, the Ministry of Finance, the Cabinet and the people of Singapore. It is a jewel in Singapore's crown and the person protecting and growing it must have the clout to push through his initiatives. If not the clout, then at least the savvy to win over its stakeholders.

We've been discussing Darrow Miller's book in our meetings. I kinda see how "culture" interferes economics. Haha. Arief posted the following on his FB wall today -- his b'day!

"Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, suffering, and injustice when He could do something about it." "Well, why don't you ask Him?" "Because I'm afraid He would ask me the same question."
(The Hole in Our Gospel)

But, as a revelation from Miller's book, understanding the cause and the root of poverty is not that simple:

Development is more than working, even working hard. It is about thinking, and about what we think. The attitudes of our hearts inevitably show up sooner or later in our behavior, speech, writing, and handiwork. .... When it comes to helping the poor, therefore, good intentions are not enough. All people and cultures have a particular model of the universe, or worldview. Their worldview does more to shape their development, their prosperity or poverty, than does their physical environment or other circumstances.

The End (here)

2009-07-15T13:04:00.000+08:00

I'm afraid this is the end. The end of the long battle -- well, not long enough, actually. "For the Truth Behind the NTU Stabbing" is about to end its struggle in finding the truth. No choice, it's truly understandable, since we're faced with a government with tainted reputation as below:

The Economist Intelligence Unit classes Singapore as a "hybrid" country, with authoritarian and democratic elements. Freedom House does not consider Singapore an "electoral democracy" and ranks the country as "partly free". Reporters Without Borders ranked Singapore 140th out of 167 countries in its 2005 Worldwide Press Freedom Index. Western democracies consider the form of government in Singapore to be closer to authoritarianism rather than true democracy and could be considered an illiberal democracy or procedural democracy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politics_of_Singapore

Daniel Manoah Yosua (Pensacola Christian Academy) wrote at 7:50pm yesterday I believed strongly that David Hartanto was murdered instead of suicide. All the evidences doesn't lead to suicide. And I truly know what Singapore is... An innocent appearance but filthy inside. The government was behind all this.. They're hiding something. Remember, the truth is often eclipsed but it can never be extinguished. Keep fighting and God will make way. Good hunting and God bless you all!
Farewell, David. I am truly sorry, we have lost the battle for you. But... they (all of us) will not be able to avoid the eternal judgment.
Meanwhile, Sonia Sotomayor is fighting her battle, 2nd day of grueling, daylong hearing. Yaayyy!

Lanjutkan! -- You're Nothing But a Liar.

2009-07-11T16:20:00.000+08:00

Thinking and writing about these following important, influential entities, I can't but feel disturbed of recalling the experience Syl had a few days ago. She was so angry that she furiously said how men are liars. Hhhmm... Not all of them are, I believe. Well, most of them are just... cowards. And many are simply... jerks. Yaayyy!!! Mr. Susilo & Mr. Boediono are ahead of the other candidates in the presidential election! TODAY (11-12 July 2009) wrote a special report about Mr. Boediono, SBY's running mate. Wow, I didn't know that he used to work at the BoA in Jakarta in 1968. And he attended Wharton School of U-Penn for his doctorate! *beams* Meanwhile, Mr. Obama visits Pope Benedict XVI for the very first time.

"Given the influence of the Catholic Church globally, as well in the United States , and frankly, given the influence of the Catholic Church and church social teaching on the president himself, he recognizes that this is much more than your typical state visit," McDonough said.

:-) It was reported that he explicitly promised the pontiff to limit/reduce abortions in the US. Hhhm... wondering how he's gonna do that since he supports abortion rights. When Obama left his room, the pope said, "I'll pray for you. I'll pray for your work." So sweet....

Impeach Clinton, Forgive Sanford

2009-07-10T12:05:00.000+08:00

Haha. Clinton and Sanford did the same thing: "lied to the staff and left the state without official notice in order to carry out an affair". But Sen. Graham is willing to give Sanford the benefit of the doubt that he didn't give Clinton, as stated in the Washington Independent. Carry on in your marriage journey is definitely not easy.

Meanwhile, we have a confirmed case of H1N1 as one of our Viet students has been confirmed infected with the virus. Sigh.

We are dealing with bad people, ruthless, unethical businessmen here. Geezz... Enough of them. Lord, I'm fainting.

Stressed out!!!

2009-05-17T18:10:00.001+08:00

2009-05-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

bu$ine$$

2009-05-06T20:57:00.000+08:00

"I am not a businessman. I am an educator..."

Hearing that from Tim Howie -- a principal of a new private school in Jakarta -- who confidently stood in front of angry, despondent parents in a private school in Bandung several weeks ago, I was like... That has been my struggle, at least the past 9 months, since I work in this "industry" of the education world. And hearing his statement that was distinctively separating "business" and "education", I was kinda... I was just not too sure that I share the same stand as his. I've been learning that... people who are in the education field have the passion for education. I've been meeting people who are money-driven, money-minded; the worst is so far the unethical people in managerial positions in this industry. Another occassion several days ago, my colleague told me of "jobs which are not meant for believers" -- as she told me of her concerns over her backsliding friend who was previously a fervent believer. "No, it's not about the job, I believe... we should reign in every aspect of life in this world... There should be God-fearing presidents; there should be God-fearing counselors; there should be God-fearing web-designer; there should be God-fearing cook; the list goes on..." I shared my view with her. A seminar that I attended today, "Branding in a Downturn", has taught me more about Business. I heard success stories of businessmen, from some local brands that are expanding like Ya Kun Kaya Toast, Charles&Keith, to foreign brand like Lenovo and Citibank. And I loved the presentation from Citibank! Well, still... I hate money-minded people in the education field. Yet I do not know how to merge business + education... I believe there must be ethical business people in this world, rite?

GRE, CPM, ARLDF, TOEFL, NTU, MTT, NTM, UCB, UPenn, smuki ...

2009-03-07T11:50:00.000+08:00

Attending the talk "Living Out Loud -- Beyond NC08", Vinoth reminded me that 'integral m' is not merely about CPM... as the Good News is about the world that He loves and created. ... be in the world but not of the world! My life currently revolves around the above mentioned abbreviations. Sigh. Last night I attended the talk held by KBRI (Indonesian embassy in SG). Pak Yayan Mulyana was there, one of its officers whom David Widjaja's family accompanied by on TV. He's cool.... seems to be patient, speaks English well -- shifted from KBRI in New York, the ambassador told us. We have lost an asset, a young talented promising man. He had contributed his ability, talents for the country and I do hope that our country will keep this in mind -- pursuing for justice over his death is one of the tributes the country can pay him back, I suppose! In the meantime, I do support my friends' efforts to fight for him, including establishing a petition, writing to the media (as we believe that some-powerful-people-not-to-be-named are using media to mislead the public), keep on urging our KBRI to really pay their fullest attention to this case. I may not know David personally, but as an alumna of smuki (SMUK I), we are however bound in the family of SMUK I alumni... As a foreigner in this city-state, I do share the same feelings with my friends how generally we do not like SG, its system and its people... "Sweep under the carpet" mentality, image conscious, snobbish, acting like it's and aiming to be the world-famous, etc. However, I'm always thankful that this is a good training ground for me... He's been sustaining me all these years. Juggling in the hectic March (IGCF Camp, business trip, meeting Pak Roger for his MTT ministry, finding a time to watch "Marley and Me" with friends, etc), I try to practice my Arithmetic, Algebra, Geometry ~.~

Foreign Faces

2009-03-04T16:57:00.000+08:00

I can't get over with the fact that the incident took place at NTU (Nanyang Technological University) involved a (6 years?) junior of mine... graduated from the same high school, SMUK I BPK Penabur, which is now mourning over his death. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMUK_1_Jakarta David H. Widjaja was believed to stab his professor supervising him for his FYP (Final Year Project) on the incident took place last Monday, he then slit his own wrists before falling four floors to his death shortly after the attack. It's... a tragedy, for a bright student like him, with such promising talents and future.

As the media is busy speculating about the motives behind his act, I can't but agree with Timothy Hsi, Counselor of SMU (Singapore Management University), that foreign students may feel the strain of their study much more than locals, especially with the need to adapt with new culture, new environment, with these "typical" Singaporeans =)

There's a thread of emails in our young-adults fellowship's mailing list about this news... I learned how media could be misleading. Friends of mine who are familiar with NTU and education system in SG do understand better about the 'politics' and the 'sweep under the carpet' attitude at the aforementioned campus. Some Indonesian secondary students at the school for which I work told me that they don't like SG and its people... and it affects their decision for pursuing higher study out of SG... Sigh. MOE rejected my application to their NIE (National Institute of Education) thingy, somehow forcing me to find other solutions for an M.Ed. And... I never regretted that! after knowing from my current boss, the flaws of MOE-oriented system. Oh, well! Hhmm... I remembered how disdainful William was (an Indonesian student at the NUS Faculty of Medicine) that he had to post on his Facebook the photo of the rejection letter from Harvard Medical School, informing him that Harvard does not have "Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine" in its list. So much of Yong Loo Lin becomes the world famous, he wrote. LOL.

What an image-conscious society. My deepest condolences to David's family...

2009-02-27T12:38:00.000+08:00

Bila kutercipta dari tulang rusukmu mengapa kumampu sempurnakan hidupmu Bila ku ada karena kau ada mengapa kau tak bisa sendiri saja Reff: Dalam teguh tak larut belaian Ranum sahaja bukan hiasan Untaian cinta gapai genggaman Yakinkan mimpi dalam iman Batasku sadari raut kodratku Asaku menari terbalut sorbanmu Lembutnya jiwa sambut nestapa Terngiang syahdu iman di dada Bila cerita tak lagi ceria Mahligai cinta merona terlena Senada iman kusimpan derita Kuatkan hati bersimpuh pada-Nya

2009-02-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

Come and make my heart your home come and be everything I am and all I know Search me through and through till my heart becomes a home for you Let everything I do open up a door for you to come through and my heart will be a place where you wanna be Sebab Tuhan ialah tempat perlindunganmu ... Mazmur 91:9 every tear I wipe away is only by Your grace...

2009-01-10T14:56:00.001+08:00

2008-12-23T10:48:00.000+08:00

aRt!!!

2008-12-20T12:15:00.000+08:00

Being part of the Singapore education world, I was curious why my Singaporean colleagues keep on highlighting our school's strength in art -- as we have performing arts, visual arts classes... I slowly learned how the art is not appreciated in this science-engineering inclined country. Our Art teacher said that the art class is often being misused in government schools here. Its rigid system is... to me, devastating. It devastates the mindset and belief of Singaporeans, that they really have no future if they end up in polytechnic with a diploma; they feel embarassed if they are in the Normal-Technical stream (Singapore determines the path of children here: Express stream, Normal-Academic stream, and Normal-Technical stream). Our country is blessed with talented people. Poverty shouldn't be a barrier to soar up high... The Straits Times, 12 December 2008 MATA JELI: A PERSPECTIVE ON INDONESIAN AFFAIRS

Dazzling show of good governance

by Bruce Gale Senior Writer Indonesia often gets a bad press. In fact, almost every visitor to the country can cite some example of corruption, mismanagement and (some say) plain laziness. Indeed, the local and international media sometimes seem to delight in highlighting Indonesia's deficiencies. In the spirit of goodwill this Christmas, however, it is well to remember that not all Indonesians conform to these negative stereotypes. I was forcefully reminded of this recently when I participated in a brass band Christmas concert organised by current and former members of a Salvation Army Boys' Home in Medan. Boys' Home residents consist mainly of children whose poverty-stricken parents are unable to support them. The home's 30-strong band uses second-hand brass instruments, mostly purchased in Singapore. Band members range in age from 12 to 31, including several who have left the home and are now self-supporting. Most members, however, are teenagers attending government schools. The home as a dedicated staff, but it is unable to help the band financially. Instead, the band, throughout its 20-year history, has been financed and trained by volunteers from Singapore, Malaysia, Australia and Britain. But this story is not about the home, the Salvation Army or the generosity of a small number of foreigners. Rather, it is about the boys themselves and the way they have struggled against the odds to build a credible music ensemble while practising principles of good governance that would put many senior government officials to shame. The band members are no strangers to hard work. Normally, the band practises twice a week (Thursdays and Saturdays), with older members teaching the younger ones. But when a foreign trainer arrives -- usually for a long weekend every three months or so -- marathon afternoon and evening rehearsals are the norm, with some running up to five hours or more at a stretch. All this is done under the most trying conditions. There is no air-conditioning, and only a few fans. Medan's unreliable electricity supply also means that some rehearsals have to be carried out to the accompaniment of a noisy electric generator. The band has visited several parts of Indonesia. The most memorable was a 1989 trip to Bandung, when General Eva Burrows (the Salvation Army's international leader at the time) gave the band its official name: Brass Band Jenderal (The General's Band). It is a monicker generations of band members since have worn with pride. This year's concert was the result of months of careful planning. It wasn't simply a matter of choosing some suitable music and ensuring that it could be played well. Determined to make an impact on the local community but facing acute financial constraints, band members drew upon their entrepreneurial skills. With no previous experience in such matters, these young Indonesians managed to hire a concert venue, negotiate for the use of professional sound, lighting and recording equipment, and arrange for advertisements on local radio -- all at a mere fraction of market prices. Specific departments were also created within the band for advertising and promotions (such as fliers), programme design, logistics, transport, concert hall preparation and refreshments. All this occurred as members juggled school and work commitments. The 20-year-old principal trombonist, Mr Yohanes Mori, for example, left the full-dress rehearsal at 10pm the night before the concert to work as a labourer with a local vegetable wholesaler. Finishing work at 4am, he attended lectures at a local university from 7am to noon before joining the band at the concert venue for final sound and lighting checks at 6pm. On stage, band members looked impressive. However, few in the audience knew that most of the ties and neatly pressed white shirts were borrowed, or that band members wore ill-fitting black shoes purchased from a local second-hand store. Given the lack of regular professional coaching and access to live performances by top class musicians, musical standards are surprisingly high. Indeed, after years of hard work, the band is now worthy of comparison with some of the best secondary school bands in Singapore. I had the privilege of conducting the group for one of the highlights of the concert: a brass band arrangement of Handel's Hallelujah Chorus. The following evening, band members assembled to review the performance and consider a detailed financial report (including official receipts) by Bandmaster Danias Karosekali. Despite a last-minute donation from a local Methodist church, there was a significant deficit, with much of the shortfall being financed from the 31-year-old leader's meagre savings. Band members resolved to make up the difference through the sale of DVDs of the concert, currently in preparation. Hard work, good organisation and transparency -- they were all there. Now if only these Indonesians were running the country!

___________

A goodbye

2008-12-13T20:04:00.000+08:00

Terima kasih, Pak! I can't but agree with our President, Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, that our former foreign minister Ali Alatas was a diplomat, a figure, an educator, a statesman that we love. Written in the yesterday's The Straits Times that Singapore's Foreign Minister for Foreign Affairs George Yeo and his wife were at the Jakarta wake. Died of a heart attack at the age of 76, he was said to had been undergoing medical treatment at Singapore's Mount Elizabeth Hospital since last month. Hhhmmm... I saw a man really looked like him at NUH about a year ago. I was there for my check-up appointment when I was wondering whether it was really him, the man on a wheelchair.

liar liar

2008-12-13T18:59:00.000+08:00

As I struggled to fry my long-bean-with-minced-pork-meat on a small-sized frying pan, I couldn't avoid of thinking of my friends... they're now on an MT to P. I wish I knew earlier that my business trip to Bangkok was cancelled, perhaps I could join them, so that I could get more exposures *sad* Hhhmm, but... since Jim's points are quite true, short-term MTs are just... They have to be well-prepared and organized, so that the short-term MT will not burden the locals, or worse, ruining the 'management'/system there. Most probably, I may not have a frying pan in the field, rite. So, frying on a small-sized frying pan could be a good training. Heru has a bigger frying-pan. But he has started packing his belongings, furnitures, cooking utensils in boxes... LOL. Yep, guess what, I'm moving out (again) -- hhhmmm... the 3rd for this year alone. Not to mention last year's. Glancing back... I am fully amazed seeing how God's been molding me through all of these house-removals. I like my life runs in a routine and stable cycle. Yet, since last year, I do see how He's been smashing me, spanking me over this. Amazing. At least for this time, I'll just move 2 towers away -- it's in the same apartment, but different tower. Hahahahahaha. Last year was worse. There were times I didn't even really have proper plans of where I should stay the following day or week or month. I hate last-minute arrangement. I consider myself as a well-planner. Hhhmm... it tallies with the personality tests that I had: I follow structure very well. I like it, rather. So, when I am placed in a condition without proper structures/plans/instructions, I'll get... irritated. And lost. But now... I keep on learning that my plans are not everything, they're still under His power. After weeks of despair, I'm feeling better. Pak Roger sent me an email, Greetings from Dallas! *so touched* He said that he prayed the other day for God's special blessings on me... Speaking to me from Isaiah, God told me this morning that my windows of faith are often so misty and cloudy that I see but dimly, and I mistake much that I do see.

Mission "accomplished" ^___________^

2008-12-07T20:58:00.001+08:00

Praise be to God who works in us to will and to work for His good pleasure! The event of which I am the chairwoman of the organizing committee took place today and... more than 300 visitors came and about 3/4 of them responded to the altar-call led by Kak Pet. I am grateful for seeing them coming and attending this event... as they are my "hope, and joy, and crown of rejoicing". On the other hand, I do feel relieved for completing the task that was assigned to me like a year ago. But... Rika and Fonny keep on teasing me regarding the "prayer" thingy *.* Like yesterday night -- we went to the cinema to watch BOLT -- liked it!!! -- and Rika jokingly teased me, "What are you doing here? I thought you'll be praying the whole day for tomorrow's event..." LOL. Never mind. Getting used to it, I guess... For the past few days God had been encouraging me... He taught me from Zechariah's vision that He will always find men for His work and He will find them at the right time! Moreover, I learned from Revelation that Jesus is never an idler: His garments are never loose, as though His ministry were over. And this morning, God said that I should learn from Paul's "undying zeal for the souls of men". They remind me to... be faithful. ... to work out my salvation. I talked to Fonny over the phone the other night. And she agreed that... in our ministry, even among us, not all of us share the same "level" of ownership to this ministry. It could be very discouraging for me, sometimes. But God has lifted my spirit up... He's still working, as He always does. So should I.

Sebab itu kami tidak tawar hati, tetapi meskipun manusia lahiriah kami semakin merosot, namun manusia batiniah kami dibaharui dari sehari ke sehari.

2 Korintus 4:16

ilfil beneran...

2008-12-06T19:39:00.000+08:00

While eating my chicken soup -- too salty! -- I couldn't believe my eyes: the host for Don't Forget the Lyrics Singapore is... Gurmit Singh! *again?!* Don't they have any other better younger fresher host? I couldn't stop giggling as I read this article. The Straits Times 5th Dec 2008. MATA JELI: A PERSPECTIVE ON INDONESIAN AFFAIRS

Brave new words

by Bruce Gale Senior Writer Ngapain? (What's up?) Well, not much actually, especially if you happen to be a foreigner trying to learn the Indonesian language. Ngapain isn't listed in any of the standard dictionaries. The reason? It is slang, and such non-standard forms are officially frowned upon. They are certainly not taught to foreigners. As a result, it is possible to become sufficiently fluent in the language to carry on a conversation with educated Indonesians in a formal setting, but find street language almost impossible to understand. Learning Indonesian ought to be easy. After all, unlike European languages such as English or French, there are no difficult verb conjugations or tenses to memorise. And unlike Chinese, Thai and Vietnamese, there are no tones. Also, the system of affixation used to create nouns, verbs and adjectives in Indonesian is remarkably consistent. But don't let this apparent simplicity fool you. When it comes to language, the inventiveness of the Indonesian people knows no bounds. Even in standard Indonesian, words are abbreviated or forced together to form new ones in ways that leave the Singaporean love for acronyms (MOE, AYE, COE, etc) way behind. Polisi Republik Indonesia (Indonesian Police) becomes Polri, Badan Perencanaan dan Pembangunan Nasional (Indonesian National Development Agency) becomes Bappenas, Menteri Luar Negeri (Minister of Foreign Affairs) becomes Menlu, and so on. Indonesian slang takes this a step further. Ngapain is derived from mengapa-apakan. Other contractions include gitu for begitu (like that, such), nelpon for menelepon (to telephone), and mikirin for memikirkan (to think). Then there are the mysterious transformations involving the merger of two or more words. Often this involves a combination of English and Indonesian. For example, jaga image (to safeguard one's social standing) becomes jaim. My personal favourite is ilfil. This strange expression is a combination of hilang (lost) and the English word "feeling". It means "no mood". Such expressions are ubiquitous among local teenagers. The term bahasa gaul (slang) was first coined by local actress Debby Sahertian in 1999 when she published her dictionary on the subject. Before this, most observers tended to use the term bahasa prokem, which derived from preman (hooligan or thug) in recognition of the fact that many of the slang words started out as the secret language of street kids and local gangsters. Ms Sahertian said that she collected many of the words for her dictionary from the local transsexual community, with whom she spent a lot of time. She also made the point that many communities in the country had developed their own distinctive slang in an attempt to ensure that others could not understand their conversation. Bahasa gaul varies considerably, according to region. In Bandung, local slang is influenced by Sudanese, while in Jakarta, it is heavily influenced by Betawi and English. English derivatives likely to be heard in the streets of Jakarta include pren (friend), sori (sorry) and suer (swear). Most of the slang in Medan, on the other hand, is influenced by Hokkien and the Batak languages -- for example, amang for father and inang for mother. The equivalents in Jakarta are bokap and nyokap. Indonesian slang is evolving so quickly that it is difficult for adults to keep up. Indeed, the popularity of bahasa gaul among the young and trendy makes such rapid change almost mandatory. Most visitors to Jakarta soon learn, for example, that local residents regularly use the non-standard words gua (I, me) and lu (you). In many teenage oriented publications, however, gua has now become gw. Slang is widely used on billboards and in radio and television advertisements throughout the country in an attempt to make them sound lively and keren (cool). This is particularly so in the case of advertisements aimed at the nation's youth. Serious newspapers such as Kompas avoid using slang in their news reports. But slang can be found in youth-oriented magazines such as Majalah Hai and Majalah Kawanku, as well as in some of the nations's more sensationalist dailies. Indonesians of all ages delight in making up new words. In the recent gubernatorial elections in East Java, for example, the Indonesian language press regularly referred to the Soekarwo-Saifullah candidate team as Karsa, while the opposing Khofifah-Mudijono pair was known as Kaji. Foreigners can also join in the fun. On a recent visit to Medan, for example, my hosts and I entertained ourselves each morning by avoiding the standard selamat pagi (good morning) in favour of "good pagi". Later I realised that I could make a further contribution to the development of Indonesian slang by merging the two words to create a new expression: goopag. The word hasn't caught on yet, but I'm working on it. Bicara Bahasa Indonesia yang baik dan benar (speak correct Indonesian) admonishes a standard textbook on the language. But why would anyone want to do that?

-----------------

... so, he plays it by ear. Deceiver!

2008-12-04T18:43:00.000+08:00

Wwwoooww... I just noticed that Ado is now the Chairman of this organization called PPI-UK (it stands for "Perhimpunan Pelajar Indonesia di United Kingdom") --- after I was sent this invitation like... the 4th time. LOL. Yep, Ado and I were schoolmates in junior high. He's one of my competitors for the top-3 ranks in class -- besides Asa and Febi. BTW, Ado is now in the UK. Hhhmmm... with the "scholarship" from his parents, he said. Hahahahahaha. K, Do. I hope by posting it here, it would be helpful to boost the promotional strategies for the event.

My business trip to Bangkok this month is KIV-ed. Hahahahahaha. I'm so happy! -- been trying to like traveling, but... to no avail. Mama made noise about it since last week. She forced me to tell my boss that I will not get her blessings for going there. LOL. Well, Mr. Andrew is a family-man... so, he understands. ^_________^ love him.

I've been feeling resentful at the way Febi was treated. The property agent tried to cheat her!!! After several times drove me and Wini for the apartements viewing, he tried to cheat Febi to pay him a doubled commission! Over my dead body!!! *sigh*

Rika posted this to us... to encourage us.

The Fern and The Bamboo

One day I decided to quit...

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality....

I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me. "Look around", He said.

"Do you see the fern And the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds,

I took very good care of Them. I gave them light.

I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth.

Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.

But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.

But I did not quit on the Bamboo.

In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit. The same in year four.

Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong

And gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.

Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling,

You have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo..

I will never quit on you. "Don't compare yourself to others."

He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful.

"Your time will come", God said to me.

"You will rise high."

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give Me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest, realizing that God will never give up on me.

And He will never give up on you.

shimah

2008-12-02T20:34:00.000+08:00

We had our first CPM training, led by SP, on last Sat. Hhhmmm... apparently he speaks Indonesian quite well. Cool! Esp when he said the word "yayasan" fluently =) Two thumbs up!!! I've gone through their family's website. Love it! And there's a translated version in some languages, including German! =)
We learned about obedience... Tough! And that "obedience-based" discipleship is the one that God seeks from us! Stan encourages us to "openly show spiritual lifestyle" and not being religious! =)

I shared with our Pastor Norman's BS group about "what God's been telling me" (he always asks us this question, in our Fridays meeting). God told me on that week, not to procrastinate =( but I disobeyed. My mind has been occupied by many things lately. I'm the chairwoman for the coming big event (this Sun!!!!!!!). Febi suddenly asked me and Wini for viewing some apartments for her family (as they're coming from Belgium on the 13th). That was really tiring and I had to allocate hours of my time after work for that, including Sunday. Not to mention phone calls and expensive global sms-es. Had it not been her, I don't think I would go the extra mile. On the other hand, I've been neglecting my works for the threatened-by-deadline applications... And I still need to entertain Wini -- she's too new to understand that everybody is busy (this is SINGAPORE!!!).
As always, God's grace sustains me... but... still, ignorance is one of my catharsical ways to cope with stress. LOL. Hahahahahaha. So, that's why I disobeyed for not being procrastinative...

Still Together, Still Lost

2008-11-26T21:32:00.000+08:00

That's the tagline of Madagascar 2. I watched it with Fonny a few days ago. Hahahahaha. But... I think that movie is just filled with cruelty -- I mean, you gotta see how the killings are conducted by those supposedly-cute animals. Or is this related with very-American-minds/style of joke sort of thing? I prefer SHREK.
Anyway, our colleague's rabbit died a few days ago and she cried because of that. And Elin doesn't understand why we should cry for losing a pet. I cried each time our dogs died. And I can't imagine how I would cry if Gorgie dies.... 'cos we've been suspecting that he's deaf as he's getting older and older -- he doesn't care anymore if car comes in to the courtyard. And he no longer responds when we call out his name. I think he's about 15-year old now...
But each time I'm home for holidays, he will always recognize me... ^_________^ I'm the closest family member to him. When I was hospitalized for a month in 2004, he refused to eat for weeks... And similarly when I shifted to SG. He almost died after weeks, more than a month I guess, refused to eat, laying down quietly without showing passion and interest to live. Fortunately, he got over it and managed to live on with me being away from him...
Meanwhile, we've reached Chapter 3 in our reading of the book "Discipling Nations" in our UPG interest-group. Cool! Rocks! 10/40 Window is mentioned in this book too.

As with all false worldview, this kind of thinking is rooted in man's sin and rebellion against his Creator, who created a world of abundance and blessing. Man's allienation from God (and God's principles) produces a mindset of poverty that further poisons the mind, spirit, and heart. This pauper mentality has consequences in the physical world, leaving people poor and hungry -- and unable to even imagine a way of escape.

The Bible is clear enough that being poor is not in itself a sin, that God has a special concern for the poor, and that being rich is not necessarily a sign of God's spiritual favor. Jesus warned repeatedly about the spiritual dangers of wealth. Yet God did not create poverty; man did. The problem is usually rooted in mindsets that retard and resist development, trapping people in destitution.

"Discipling Nations: The Power of Truth to Transform Cultures" -- Darrow Miller

(YWAM Publishing: 2001)

It's quite stressful thinking about next month's event... Wow, look at how the effect of bearing the title of "chairwoman". Hahahahahaha. And Rika reminded us to prepare the things needed for the class led by Stan P. As he's currently based in SG, he's willing to teach and equip us in CPM. It's planned to be a 6-month "project" sort of thing.
BTW, I love my new pillow! Thankful now that Wini forced me to buy it... Hahahahahha. It helps me to sleep well, I noticed. Well, it's not the Acid Reflux Wedge Pillow special for GERD patients like me. That one may cost me almost a USD100, I believe. But this pillow helps too, so I don't need to struggle with my breathing prior or in the midst of sleeping.

i can't see You.

2008-11-18T21:11:00.000+08:00

Kebaktian II, GPBB Sun, 16 Nov 2008

Trust His Heart

(Babbie Mason)

All things work for our good though sometimes we can't see how they could struggles that break our hearts in two sometimes blinds us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us His ways are not our own So when your pathway grows dim, and you just can't see Him, remember you're never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken

God is too good to be unkind

So when you don't understand

When you don't see His plan

When you can't trace His hand

Trust His heart

He sees the master plan and He holds our future in His hands So don't live as those who have no hope All our hope is found in Him
We see the present clearly but He sees the first and the last and like a tapestry, He's weaving you and me to someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken

God is too good to be unkind

So when you don't understand

When you don't see His plan

When you can't trace His hand

Trust His heart

He alone is faithful and true He alone knows what is best for you So when you don't understand When you don't see His plan When you can't trace His hand trust His heart

The only thing more difficult than having a relationship with an invisible God is having no such relationship. [Philip Yancey, Reaching for the Invisible God, Zondervan: 2000]

Singaporeans -- Colour-Blind? I don't think so!

2008-11-15T08:58:00.000+08:00

It was personally challenging when I read an article in the Straits Times (15 November 2008), titled Are we ready to be COLOUR BLIND? written by Zakir Hussain. NOT JUST YET is his sub-title. It is a response to the president-elect Barack Obama's presidential win. In my opinion, generally Singaporeans are racists. It is supported by many friends of mine who are foreigners, living and working here. I have learned to adapt with the systems in SG that demand you to define your race. And they recognize 4 races: "Chinese", "Malay", "Indian" and "Others". This categorization is somehow strongly planted in the mind of most Singaporeans -- and thus you will confuse them if physically you do not represent the so-called physical-identities of each of the aforementioned race. And it just doesn't concur with Indonesia. With more than 13,000 islands and hundreds of ethnic groups, Indonesians would be in many cases undefinable to fall into any of these 4 categories. Mixed-race marriages are common in our country. As one of the children born from mixed-race parents, I had difficulty to define myself. I never really thought of what race I belong to. But then I learned that I am "Others" here, in SG. A real example is being a patient of one of the government-restructured hospitals in SG since 2004, I did have to tick the box "Others" as my race in all documentational papers. This is worsened by SG's physical geography as a small country. Wikipedia says that SG has reclaimed land with earth obtained from its own hills, the seabed, and neighbouring countries. As a result, Singapore's land area has grown from 581.5 square-km in 1960s to 699 square-km today... If you were born and grew up in such a city-state, traveling overseas was not a major thing happened in your life, and you were placed in a such condition that strongly planted a mindset in you that you were to define people in 4 racial categories, you came for the majority race -- plus a strong belief that you are one of the best nations in the world -- narrow-mindedness and racism would inevitably take place in you. The worst part is, I think, meritocracy. Here in SG, it is about a strong atmosphere that you are what you do, you are how-you-perform, and you are what you look. Being in the education "industry" over the past 3 months, knowing and learning more about SG's education world, I witness that meritocracy is strongly mirrored through its rigid education system. However, narrow-minded people are just everywhere in this world. I remembered Kak Pet's funny story that happened to him when he was in... Canada (?). Apparently, people around him at that time there didn't know about Singapore's existence and asked him funny questions, like whether Singapore had McDonald's, etc. LOL. My aunt who lives in California also hates narrow-minded Americans too. ^________^ One of the good impacts of the flowing stream of foreigners into the country, is I believe, so that Singaporeans would learn about multi-ethnicity... to learn for being color-blind... and to think out of the box from categorizing people (on the basis of race, skin color, or even merits). It has hurt me a lot, dealing and living with Singaporeans, I should admit. But on the other hand, I personally thank God for placing me here, a good training ground for me. And I continuously encourage myself to understand them... sympathize with them as I realize that they have lived a much stressful life since they were a child.

Since 1960

2008-11-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

We had a "Staff Thanksgiving" service today. Rev. Gordon W. preached about The Power of Grace from the story of Ruth and Boaz...

Angels were in yellow today! Except Angel Elin... 'cos she had to lead the worship with Mr. Ian Goh. And we were quite "upset" when we found out that Mitch wore yellow polo-shirt too. LOL.

In our Fridays-BS session with Ps. Norman this evening, I finally poured out my frustrations (hhaalllaahhh...) -- shared to everyone about how tough it is to be in my position at work... yep, about things that are against my consciousness... And that the more I get involved, being part of the system, the more my consciousness judges me...

We then prayed... and I personally prayed that I am thankful, for God is faithful even in times when I'm not being faithful...

I prayed, St Francis Methodist School was established in 1960 and it proves too how God's faithfulness to the school has stood the time. I prayed, that I am thankful, for being reminded (again) from Luke 18:1 a few days ago... that I should always pray and not give up.

Pardon me, Lord, for being easily giving up... and thank You, for not giving up on me.

(PS: I've been learning to pray in English now. LOL. Hahahahaha. But, I prefer to pray in Indonesian, of course. And it feels awkward to say "I" instead of mentioning my name "Lisa" when I pray in English -- as I always use my name when I pray).

To God be the glory, great things He hath done

so loved He the world that He gave us His Son,

who yielded His life, an atonement for sin,

and opened the lifegate, that all may go in.

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

Let the earth hear His voice!

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

Let the people rejoice!

O come to the Father through Jesus, the Son

and give Him the glory,

great things He hath done.

Fanny J. Crosby (1820 - 1915)

And finally, we had the last meeting a few hours ago. Our last meeting for the next month's event!!! Help us, Lord, to be faithful and diligently do our part, giving our best... 'cos we can always count on You!

Tetap Setia

2008-11-12T16:36:00.000+08:00

... lack of support... A shared-burden of mine will be returned with doubts from people. Why should You trust me with Your heart? Why should You lead me to know Your heart for the lost souls? Why should I know that mission is the heart of the Bible and the basis for its coming into being? ... so I don't need to have these struggles, Lord. ... so I don't need to "think" and struggle of how I should respond. ... so I could live a normal life. ... so I would have more time to think about my own life. Praise be to You. ... to remind me of being faithful... to remind me of Your calling... to remind me of Your heart -- the mission. As I fixed my tearful gaze on Your picture (again), pardon me... for I always fail to love You... for not being faithful...

Selidiki aku, lihat hatiku

apakah 'ku sungguh mengasihi-Mu, Yesus

Kau yang mahatahu dan menilai hidupku

tak ada yang tersembunyi bagi-Mu

T'lah kulihat kebaikan-Mu

yang tak pernah habis di hidupku

'ku berjuang sampai akhirnya

Kau dapati aku tetap setia

Sari Simorangkir, "Tetap Setia" -- the album Forever Grateful

Help me... lead me... as this wouldn't be my last failure. You know that for sure.

... karena Allahlah yang mengerjakan di dalam kamu

baik kemauan maupun pekerjaan

menurut kerelaan-Nya.

[filipi 2:13]

a childlike approach to life

2008-11-11T11:32:00.000+08:00

I was writing about Enid Blyton for my U-Penn's Statement of Purpose yesterday, and this morning I found a short article about her in the newspaper (I'm still on medical-leave today, so I had the time to read newspaper. Hahahahahaha).

I used to collect many of her books since I was a child... but I gave them away when I was in university, for a charity event sort of thing... *sad* I love my books so much... but the event was held for donating books to the needy children... so, don't be so stingy, ok! ^________^

TODAY, 11 November 2008

ENID BLYTON

She was eternally 13

English author behaved like a 'spiteful teenager'

Enid Blyton had the emotional age of a 13-year-old because fierce arguments between her parents "froze" her development, according to her only surviving daughter.

The creator of the Famous Five and the Secret Seven had a "child-like" approach to life and frequently behaved like a "spiteful" teenager even after becoming a mother, Imogen Smallwood said.

Blyton was recently voted Britain's best-loved author and prided herself on writing about the "jolly things in life". But since her death in 1968, a picture of a cold, occasionaly malevolent figure has emerged.

Mrs Smallwood, 73, said that witnessing a particularly upsetting argument between her mother and drunken father, shortly after which he moved in with another woman, could have contributed to Blyton's troubled personality.

"Barbara Stoney, [Blyton's 1974 biographer], suggested that trauma she suffered around her 13th birthday was so huge that a lot of her emotional development just froze and I think this is a very good way of looking at her," Mrs Smallwood told the BBC in a new Radio 4 documentary, A Fine Defence of Enid Blyton.

"I think her approach to life was quite childlike and she could also sometimes be almost spiteful like a teenager," she added.

Blyton's brother Hanly has previously described the distressing impact of the fights, saying: "Enid and I used to stop at the top of the stairs with our arms around each other, crying and listening to all that was going on."

The traumas of Blyton's teenage years also took their toll on her physical development, according to the Stoney biography, which detailed how she was given hormone injections to help her conceive after a gynaecologist described her underdeveloped uterus as "like that of a 12 or 13-year-old girl".

Blyton went on to have two more children: Gillian in 1931 and Imogen in 1935. Her books have sold more than 500 million copies across the world.

THE DAILY TELEGRAPH

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my what-the-heck-a-country-is-this moments #2

2008-11-11T09:22:00.000+08:00

I watched "The Verdict" yesterday... Paul Newman acts as a lawyer who sued a renowned hospital, for a malpractice done by its doctors. Malpractices happen in any part of this world, I believe. But in my country, we have a weak judicial system, corrupted staff of its courts, etc, worsening the malpractice cases. Here in SG, they hold the rights up, a strong judicial system with non-corruption mentality. Below is an article about the English proficiency of doctors in SG. It reminds me of my experience... when I started to visit SG for seeking medical advices: I had difficulties to understand what the doctors were saying. It's about... their accent. I think it is caused by their mother tongue which is Chinese. It somehow affects their accent when they speak in English. That's why they call it "Sing-lish" (Singapore-English) here. Anyway, the article below is not talking about the Sing-lish-ness of this country ^_______^ And at office, we once talked about this with one of our students. Brayden is a Thai boy, but he grew up in many different countries, such as the States where he spent several years for study. He mentioned too that SG is not a good place to learn English, in terms of daily conversation. Hahahahahaha. And my Singaporean colleagues are just not aware of this! Well, it's "normal" as Singaporeans commonly are just disdainfully too proud of their country, sometimes they are just blinded by its weaknesses. I think, it's even closer to "haughty" or "snobbish". I have a colleague who insists that SG has one of the best education systems in the world. Geezzz!!! Please!!! And furthermore that SG is one of the safest places on earth... *I think I should leave this country soon, or I will start thinking the same and drowning in too much comforts. hahahahaha* The Straits Times, 21st October 2008

Hey doc, how good is your English?

Citing patient safety, SMC raises language proficiency bar for foreign-trained doctors by Jessica Jaganathan Foreign-trained doctors will have to meet more stringent English language requirements before they can practise here. The Singapore Medical Council (SMC) has said that it wants foreign-trained doctors to be able to do equally well in understanding, speaking, reading and writing in the language. They will be given a score on each of these skills on a nine-point-scale, and must do equally well in all four, scoring seven. Nine is the top score. This differs from the present method, which requires them to get an overall score of seven. The change, announced on the SMC's website, applies to the scoring system for the International English Language Testing System (IELTS). Other tests recognised by SMC are the Test of English as a Foreign Language and Occupational English Test. The scoring of the IELTS, administered by the British Council, has led to some confusion about what level of proficiency is regarded as adequate. Dr Charles Vu, who sits on the medical manpower development panel of Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) said: "You can potentially have someone from Myanmar or Vietnam who can read and write but not able to speak English well. "Listening to and speaking English should be just as, if not more important, when communicating with patients." The issue of foreign-trained doctors' ability to communicate with patients has surfaced time and again, but is more significant now, with the Health Ministry's expanding the list of recognised foreign medical schools from 20 in 2003 to nearly 160 last year. Among the recognised universities are some which do not use English as a medium of instruction, such as Nagoya University's faculty of medicine and The West China College of Medicine in Sichuan University. Dr Vu said that with the expanded list of recognised schools, more stringent English requirements are more important now than ever before. Said an SMC spokesman: "Casenotes, requests and communication between health-care professionals are all in English, so for patient safety, whatever is communicated in the management must be understood." There were 524 foreign-trained graduate doctors registered here in 2006, up from 460 the year before. About 8 per cent, from countries such as Japan, South Korea, Belgium, Germany and China, need to take language tests. Various hospitals here have programmes to immerse foreign-trained doctors in local culture. Alexandra Hospital organises events for staff to showcase their culture, and Tan Tock Seng Hospital holds Chinese and Malay language classes for its foreign doctors. But Associate Professor Tay Eng Hseon, who chairs the medical board at KK Women's and Children's Hospital (KKH), cautioned against too stringent requirements for the language. He said KKH lost an excellent anaesthesiologist who just could not make the cut in the language department. Despite repeated attempts, the doctor only managed a score of six. The hospital appealed to retain the doctor but was unsuccessful, said Prof Tay.

----------------

STRESS

2008-11-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

"Coping with Stress"
It's my last class in the TENT Course with BGST... And the lecturer really gives us stresses -- more homeworks now. Hahahahahahaha.
The things that we'll learn are: 1. common stress in the field 2. coping strategies 3. how to recognise stress 4. know about good stress
The lecturer told us that we are called to be faithful... not to be stress-copers. He reminds us that God's presence is with us. I always try to be grateful ^_________^ for the stresses that I had since I lived in one of the most over-worked countries in Asia; with these weird people called 'Singaporeans' (citing Ken Chua -- KAIROS Singapore). I always took it as one of the chances to be molded and prepared before I enter the real 'jungle'...
STRESSED!

sing... sing... sing...

2008-11-10T19:13:00.000+08:00

We have started practising for Christmas caroling... =) We'll be singing a tough song, in terms of breathing and high-pitch... Hahahahahaha.

On medical-leave till tomorrow, I spent the whole day writing, typing, watching movies ("The Verdict" and "Lethal Vows" -- bought the DVDs quite some time ago). And I suddenly remembered that I haven't done my homeworks (for the last module of my TENT Course) *lazy*

A King Became A Servant (Lew T. King)

A king became a servant

when God became a man

Heaven came to earth below and brought redemption's plan

The world had long been waiting,

they knew this Child would come.

This Servant King would change the world,

this Baby was God's Son.

But just a few were watching, the others did not see

but stable born was He.

His Father was our God Himself,

He's born of a virgin.

Shepherds found and worshipped Him,

then left to tell the world.

He chose to live a servant's life and die the sinner's death

But soon upon His servant brow,

the victor's crown would rest.

A king became a servant according to God's plan.

Jesus came to earth below, uniting God and man.

Febi will try to reach SG by mid-December... from Belgium with 'Ko Junop and their son, Nate -- 'Ko Junop is taking an MBA with INSEAD. He'll travel SG-France for its classes...

Meanwhile, I told Wini that perhaps all of us could celebrate Christmas here together... with Kak Motik + Kak Dany + cute Joshua! ^__________^

The Presidential Candidates and a Death Sentence

2008-11-08T09:00:00.000+08:00

They still talk about Mr. Obama's presidential win and the news evolve around his cabinet, the new chief of staff and how he interits an economy in peril. *sigh* DBS is to cut 900 jobs from its branches, mainly Singapore and Hong Kong.

And in the Straits Times, John McBeth wrote an article pertaining to Indonesia-US ties. There's a photograph of Indonesian students who are studying at Mr. Obama's former school in Jakarta. They are holding his picture. *cute* Mr. Obama went to school in Indonesia between 1967 and 1971. It is also written there that in July, Mr. Obama has told a reporter that he would like to give a speech in Indonesia within 100 days of his election. He's also expected to visit Singapore to attend the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (Apec) summit.

Thanks to Melanie for her notes on her Facebook, at least I can obtain some information there about our presidential candidates...

They are:

Governor of Yogyakarta Hamengkubuwono X
Current President of Indonesia Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono
Freedom Institute Executive Director Rizal Mallarangeng
Chairwoman of Indonesian Justice and Unity Party Meutia Hatta Swasono
Former Indonesian president Megawati Soekarnoputri
Former Jakarta governor Sutiyoso
Former Indonesian State Secretary Yusril Ihza Mahendra
Former Indonesian president Abdurrahman Wahid (Gus Dur)
Former speaker of People's Representative Council Akbar Tandjung
Chairwoman of Akar Indonesia Ratna Sarumpaet

Hhmm... looking at the choices, I think I know how Mr. Douglas felt... "grumpy about the choices". Hahahahaha.

Former Jakarta governor Sutiyoso, Former Indonesian State Secretary Yusril Ihza Mahendra, Former President Abdurrahman Wahid, Former speaker of People's Representative Council Akbar Tanjung will be definitely out of my list...

During his administration as the governor of Jakarta, Mr Sutiyoso has successfully worked "hard" to change Jakarta's image to a city of massive flooding with his bills passing the developments of shopping malls without considering nature conservation. Mr. Yusril Ihza Mahendra is still under investigation, I suppose, for a corruption charge. Mel writes that he also supports the implementation of sharia Islam in Indonesia -- which is of course not suitable for our country's forefathers vision and spirit: being the biggest nation in the world with Muslim population, Indonesia is NOT an Islamic country.

With Mr. Abdurrahman Wahid's health condition, especially his sight impairment, I will not vote for him. I myself am a patient, so I do know that patients have limitations -- we have experienced his administration in 1999 - 2001, that due to this impairment, he had to rely on information from others, and they were people whom absolutely he believed in. Mr. Akbar Tanjung reputation as a corruptor makes me difficult to trust him in ruling Indonesia.

And now... the ladies. Hhhmm... I don't know. I personally believe that a woman would not be able to manage and to rule a big nation like Indonesia with its major problems in monetary crisis in the midst of global financial downturn, multiculturalism, political instability, and many others. Sorry, ladies. Not now =)

Meanwhile, I frowned when I read an article titled "Bali Bombers' execution delayed by 'bad weather'?". Well, apparently it was only a speculation; but signs point to imminent execution. Sigh. Hopefully it's gonna be over soon...

POWER

2008-11-07T12:48:00.000+08:00

Apparently, some people make jokes about Mr. Obama winning the election. hhhmmm... *speechless* Mr. Zacharias's notes in his Facebook reminds me that Kingdom of God reigns in far different ways and systems with our fallen world... Since I lived in SG, I do understand more how most people in this country are highly thirsty of acknowledgement ^_____^ as meritocracy is applied in all aspects of life here. Manusia melihat apa yang di depan mata, tapi Tuhan melihat hati...

Parables of Power Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 9:00am [Facebook]

In 1744 commissioners of the territory of Virginia were settling the terms of a treaty with the American Indians of the Six Nations. As part of the proposed treaty, the commissioners presented the tribes with the offer of education for six of its men at the college in Williamsburg. The elders of the tribes took an evening to consider the offer, politely declined the gift, and then proposed a counteroffer. Though grateful for the proposal, the tribal leaders had already experienced the kind of learning valued by these commissioners. When some of their own young men had returned after being educated in white colleges, they brought back new knowledge, but they also returned having lost knowledge vital to their communities. "They were instructed in all your sciences, but when they came back to us, they were bad runners, ignorant of every means of living in the woods, neither fit for hunters nor counselors, they were totally good for nothing.”(1) The tribal leaders then proposed a counteroffer: "To show our grateful sense of it, if the gentlemen of Virginia will send us a dozen of their sons, we will take care of their education, instruct them in all we know, and make men of them."(2) It is easy to read a story like this one from early American history and fail to see the dynamics of power. We might see an interplay between interesting characters or an exchange between cultures--two groups of men both convinced they have the best way, or maybe even a comical moment between two vastly different worlds. Many of the parables Jesus told in ancient Israel can be read similarly. We can be readily occupied with the interchange of the prodigal son and the loving father, the master of the great banquet and the guests that cruelly shunned him, or the owner of a vineyard and a group of disgruntled laborers. But in each of these stories, we are remiss not to consider the dynamic of power at work amidst the characters. That is to ask, who is in a position of superiority and who holds the status of inferiority? Which is the in-group and which is the out-group? In other words, who holds the power and who is considered more or less expendable? The tribal leaders had already experienced education in white colleges and were now offering a similar encounter for the sons of the Englishmen. Their counteroffer exuded a spirit of both hospitality and reciprocity. Yet sadly, there is no indication that the Virginian commissioners considered the offer of the tribes with any degree of sincerity. The offer was disregarded, indicating that the men of the northern territory had very little to learn from the tribes of the American Indians. This story, among many others, depicts the sad dynamic of power and superiority in our unfortunate relations with the American Indian. But this is also just one people-group in a world of stories of inclusion and exclusion, all of which call out for our attention to the storyteller who reforms our ideas of belonging. Jesus fashions many of his parables with dynamics that challenge our very notions of power, social order, status, and expendability. The parable of the landowner and the vineyard, for instance, sets before us the highest of the social classes of Israel and the very lowest. With a few bold strokes, Jesus sketches a wealthy landowner with a harvest so large that he must return repeatedly for more day-laborers--men who are in turn understood as the most expendable of society, the desperate and unemployed workforce of the surrounding villages. While this parable no doubt yields countless lessons with its intricate storyline, one dynamic of the story in particular plunges us further into a well of meaning and sets us up to drink deeply of what it might mean that this is what the “kingdom of heaven is like” (Matthew 20:1). In the society who first heard this story, it would have been altogether strange to hear of such a wealthy landowner going out among the day-laborers. There were stewards who typically did the visible work within the marketplace, hired by the elites so that they could avoid the type of hostility and resentment the parable describes over wages. Yet in Jesus’s parable, it is the landowner himself who converses all day long with the laborers. “Why are you standing here idle all day?” asks the owner of the vineyard. “Because no one has hired us,” they reply. So he says to them, “You also go into the vineyard” (20:6-7). As such, Jesus creates a confrontation between social extremes, the elites and the expendables, the first and the last, two groups who might never have encountered each other in real life. What might it mean that this describes the kingdom of God? The Greek word for parable literally means "a placing beside." It is a comparison of one thing beside another, an association of pictures that teaches, a story full of extremes and reversals of these extremes. In this parable, the dynamics of power and social status bid us to reexamine the ways in which we find ourselves superior, the arguments we use to justify our status over one group or another, and the very groups in which we place ourselves and subsequently displace others. The kingdom of God and the one who reigns within it are indeed at work among us reversing social hierarchies and turning status symbols upside down. The concluding remarks of Jesus remind us what will one day be so: “The last will be first, and the first will be last” (20:16). The question is whether we will fight it or fight for it. Jill Carattini is managing editor of A Slice of Infinity at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia. (1) Unnamed Indian chief in Peter Nabokov, ed., Native American Testimony: A Chronicle of Indian-White Relations from Prophecy to the Present, 1492-1992 (New York: Viking, 1991), 214. (2) Ibid.

Dressed Up

2008-11-06T13:34:00.000+08:00

Well, congratulations, Mr. Obama! So, you're the 1st African-American to be the president of the richest country in history. People have been talking about the victory since yesterday, today, again and again. And this is a news about Mrs. Obama's dress =) Women (or wives) would always be criticized, I guess. I grew up learning from my mum that as a wife, I have to present myself well -- well dressed, speak well, watch out your attitude, equip yourself (cooking, study and perform well at school) -- 'cos you represent your husband... and your children! Hahahahaha. Tough! Hhhmm... but I'm not sure why I grew up feeling comfortably wearing skirts, rather than pants. I remembered she always asked me to wear skirts for church service. LOL. BTW, she never allowed me to enter kitchen or to cook, 'cos it would be too dangerous for me... >.< Michelle Obama's Election Night Dress posted by Rebecca Detken - Wed, Nov 5, 2008, 9:50 am PDT Last night, Barack Obama made history when he was elected the 44th president of the United States! Obama was joined onstage in Chicago's Grant Park by his wife, Michelle, and their two daughters, Sasha and Malia, as he addressed an estimated crowd of 240,000 people. President-elect Barack Obama and his family celebrate in Chicago's Grant Park. INFDaily.com While Obama's eloquent victory speech moved me to tears, unfortunately so did Michelle's dress. Barack looked sharp as can be in a dark navy suit, which was custom made by Hart Schaffner Marx, but I just wasn't feeling Michelle's splotchy red and black Narciso Rodriguez frock. It might seem a little shallow to be discussing fashion the day after such a big moment in America's history, but I'm not the only one buzzing about Mrs. Obama's election night attire. Yahoo! users are searching like crazy for info on her dress, while critics are weighing in on whether it was a hit or miss. Like me, LA Times blogger Elizabeth Snead was not a fan of the frock, calling it "disastrous." Of course, not everyone agrees. BlackBookmag.com's Alisa Gould-Simon found the dress to be shocking, but notes that it was "unexpected, uncoventional, and right on trend." InStyle.com also applauded our First Lady-elect's bold decision to wear something modern instead of a classic Oscar de La Renta number like many of the First Ladies before her. "Michelle Obama made fashion history last night," writes InStyle's Katrina Szish. "America, get ready to see what a true modern style icon is all about." I guess I have to give Michelle props for daring to be different!

*******************

2008-11-06T13:29:00.000+08:00

Incarnation Application Shared by Ravi Zacharias (notes) Tuesday, October 7, 2008 at 9:00am [Facebook]

For most of us, the study of doctrine is best left to academics and theologians. Terms used in doctrinal formulations like supralapsarian, or infralapsarian, incompatiblism, predestination, and compatibalism not only leave one tongue-tied, but also confuse our minds. Many of us wonder what doctrine has to do with our day to day lives, especially as we struggle with terms we don’t understand, and principles we find so hard to practice. If we’re honest, reading and studying theology is something most of us would like to avoid just as we’d like to avoid a root canal.
Historically, of course, the formation of doctrine served to tell the story of the gospel. Doctrines are composed of the central tenets of belief, so an understanding of doctrine shapes what we think about our faith. But how many of us have really taken the time to think through the implication(s) or application(s) of doctrine to the living out of our Christian lives? In other words, is a belief something we only think in our heads? Or is a belief something we demonstrate in our lives? More important, if what we think in our heads has no bearing over the ways in which we live in this world, do we truly believe?
I was forced to think about these questions, as I studied the doctrine of the Incarnation. By its very nature, the doctrine of the Incarnation is application-oriented since it deals with the belief that in Jesus Christ the whole fullness of God dwelt bodily. The more I thought about the Incarnation, the more I realized that doctrine needs to be incarnational. Doctrine must be “enfleshed” in our very beings, just as our skin encases our bones and organs.
Another way of thinking about incarnational doctrine is to think about eating. Food sustains our very being, and fuels us for living. In the same way, as we digest ideas, they should emerge as a part of our very being, just as food nourishes and sustains us by being incorporated into our cells, tissue, and organs. In fact, being intentional about the implications of the Incarnation can help our understanding of the true nature of doctrine--as lived belief.
Of course the preeminent example of incarnation is in the person and ministry of Jesus Christ. But incarnational doctrine begins all the way back in the Old Testament. God comes to be with his people in their wilderness wanderings as a pillar of fire and a cloud. God “dwells” among the people in the Ark of the Covenant, and then in the Tabernacle. Later, the Temple became the incarnational focal point of God’s presence with God’s people.
Other vivid and concrete images of incarnation occur in the lives of the Hebrew prophets. In the book of Ezekiel, the prophet is told “Son of man, eat what you find; eat this scroll and go, speak to the house of Israel” (See Ezekiel 2:9-3:3). This scroll is not just any scroll. It is the book of the Law, the Scriptures, the teachings and the doctrines of belief that guided the nation in its worship of God. Ronald Rolheiser suggests a profound incarnational application for this image: “The idea is that they should digest the word and turn it into their own flesh so that people will be able to see the word of God in a living body rather than on a dead parchment....We have to digest something and turn it, physically, into the flesh of our own bodies so it becomes part of what we look like. If we would do this with the word of God, others would not have to [only] read the Bible to see what God is like, they would need only to look at our faces and our lives to see God.”(1)
Could it be that we could so imbibe and ingest doctrine, and the beautiful teachings that come from God’s word into our lives, that they would radiate from our faces? That the way we lived, spoke, acted--even our very countenance--would give witness to the truth of God’s word? This is incarnation application. We incarnate God’s word, God’s truth and love, as our lives bear witness to Him. Doctrine is lived out, and our beliefs are enfleshed in our deeds and our actions, and even in our words. As St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the word of God wherever you go, even use words, if necessary.”(2)

Margaret Manning is a member of the speaking and writing team at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.
(1) Ronald Rolheiser The Holy Longing: The Search for Christian Spirituality (Doubleday Books: New York, 1999), 102. (2) Ibid, 82.

2008 Election Day

2008-11-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

I've seen t-shirt with the tagline "NOBAMA" since months ago, esp in Orchard area where you can find tourists from all around the world. Well... finally, election day is coming.

This afternoon at office during lunch time, Doug made me laugh reading his notes on his Facebook.

And just now, I just realized what he wrote under his "Political Views". It's "Very Pessimistic and Really-Really Grumpy About the Choices -- Uggh".

Hahahahahahahahaha. LOL.

Steph told me how she will be glad when the elections are over in the States. She and her husband have already voted by absentee ballot. And to my surprise, she agrees with the opinions that Mr. Obama is dangerous, as everything that he stands for is contrary to the Word of God. Nevertheless, I indeed agree with her that we should be thankful that God is the One that allows leaders to come into power...

... For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. -- Romans 13:1

trUst & oBey

2008-10-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice. - 1 Samuel 15:22

Saul had been commanded to slay all the Amalekites and their cattle. Instead of doing so, he preserved the king and allowed te Israelites to take the best of the oxen and sheep. When called to account for this, he declared that he had done it with the idea of offering sacrifices to God. However, Samuel immediately countered him with this certain truth: sacrifices are no excuse for an act of direct rebellion.

The text for this evening is worthy to be printed in letters of gold, and to be hung up before the eyes of the present idolatrous generation. They are very fond of the fineries of worshipping their own wills, yet they utterly neglect the laws of God.

Always remember that to keep strictly in the path of your Savior's commands is better than any outward form of religion. Listening to His precepts with an attentive ear is better than bringing the "fat of rams" (1 Sam. 15:22), or any other precious thing, to place on His altar. If you are failing to keep the least of Christ's commands to His disciples, I urge you not to be disobedient any longer. All the pretensions you make of attachment to your Master, and all the devout actions that you may perform, are no recompense for disobedience. "To obey," even in the slightest thing, "is better than sacrifice" -- no matter how elaborate it is.

The first thing that God requires of His child is obedience. ... It is a blessed thing to be as teachable as a little child. However, it is a much more blessed thing, when one has been taught the lesson, to carry it out to the letter. How many people decorate their churches and adorn their clergymen, but refuse to obey the Word of the Lord! Do not be like one of them.

Charles Spurgeon

When Sarah Palin smiles, God kills a dog

2008-10-15T12:16:00.000+08:00

I laughed like mad when I read that Melanie is joining this group in Facebook. HAHAAHAHHAHAHA. Yahoo! News

Palin says Obama running against Bush, not McCain

By BETH FOUHY, Associated Press Writer NEW YORK - Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin on Tuesday said Barack Obama is running as though his opponent is President Bush instead of John McCain. She called it a strategy that's "wearing pretty thin." Addressing several hundred supporters at a fundraiser, the Alaska governor said voters know McCain as a political maverick and war hero and that Obama is trying too hard to link the Arizona senator to the unpopular GOP president. "Our opponents spend so much time pretending they are running against the current president. I think it's wearing pretty thin," Palin said, without mentioning Bush's name. "The American people are really waking up and saying no, the status quo is not one of the boxes to check." She added, "That's what our opponents are afraid of. That more and more Americans are remembering who John McCain is." Palin and McCain appeared with their spouses at the event for the Republican Victory Fund, where guests paid as much as $28,500 to support the presidential ticket and other GOP candidates. The fundraiser was expected to net at least $8 million for the party. McCain also has taken steps to distance himself from Bush in recent days. The Arizona senator debuted a new stump speech this week in which he pledged to fix the economy, saying "we cannot spend the next four years as we have spent much of the last eight, waiting for our luck to change." Palin's reference to Bush wasn't McCain's only reminder of the current president's legacy. As the candidate left his midtown Manhattan hotel to travel to the fundraiser, the red carpet premiere of "W," Oliver Stone's new film critical of Bush and his policies, was under way across the street. National and battleground state polls show Obama opening a clear lead over McCain, particularly since the financial meltdown took hold in mid-September. Mrs. Palin is indeed beautiful. And she looks smart with those speeches. Impressive. Well, I read in the recent news that she has a record of abusing her power as Alaska Governor. Here are the examples written on Yahoo! News:

Some examples: _She pummeled opponents for giving oil companies and other businesses too much control of state government. Yet she appointed the founder of an engineering firm that received $6.8 million in state business as head of the transportation department. _She has accepted dozens of gifts worth tens of thousands of dollars since taking office, including two free trips last year that she failed to report on disclosure forms, despite criticizing state legislators for the gifts they take. _She is under another investigation, accused of misusing her office to campaign against a voter referendum calling for tighter mining regulations. Her husband, Todd, has accepted free trips from a mining company to look at their proposed new site. _Another ethics complaint, unresolved, accuses her staff of finding a state job for a friend and campaign contributor.

I read that they don't like Mrs Palin because she's too pretty and too smart ^________^ Well, I think the sexiest part of a human body is brain! So, I do like smart guys =)

my Wowed-by-SG moments #2

2008-10-14T13:32:00.000+08:00

The Straits Times, 9th October 2008

S'pore is 'fifth most competitive economy'

It moves up 2 places in WEF survey; Hong Kong up one place to 11th by Dennis Chan Deputy Money Editor Singapore has climbed two notches to fifth place in the World Economic Forum's (WEF) latest global competitiveness index, distancing itself from the other Asian economies. The annual survey, released last night, showed that the next most competitive Asian economy -- Japan -- had dropped to ninth from eighth spot. It was only last year that Singapore overtook Japan in the annual ranking, which polled a record 12,297 business leaders in 134 economies this year. Perennial business rival Hong Kong improved one place to 11th. In the survey, economies were assessed according to 12 "pillars" of competitiveness, ranging from infrastructure and macroeconomic stability, to business sophistication and innovation. These are weighted for each economy to reflect their stage of development. Singapore's improved ranking was reflected by its strong institutional environment that came about as a result of a strengthening across all aspects of the institutional framework. It has the best ranking of all economies in terms of public trust of politicians, wastefulness of government spending, burden of government regulation and transparency of government policymaking. It was also ranked among the top two countries for the efficiency of all of its markets -- goods, labour and financial -- ensuring proper allocation of these factors to their best use, the survey said. "Singapore also has world-class infrastructure, leading the world in the quality of its port and transport facilities." It scored high in other indicators as well, such as higher education and training, and technological readiness. On the flipside, its overall ranking is constrained by its small domestic market and mixed performance in the macroeconomic stability pillar, where it ranks 59th and 121st respectively for its interest rate spread and government debt. Respondents also cited inflation as their biggest bugbear for doing business in Singapore. Notwithstanding the current financial crisis, the US retained its position as the world's most competitive economy. The survey was conducted between January and May this year, which means that the index does not reflect the worsening global crisis. But Ms Jennifer Blanke, senior economist of the forum, said the index aimed to take a longer-term view, and on that basis, the US ranking was fully justified, Reuters reported. The US scored highly as it is endowed with many structural features that make its economy extremely productive. This places it on a strong footing to ride out business cycle shifts and economic shocks. Despite rising concerns about the soundness of the banking sector and macroeconomic weaknesses, the country's many other strengths continue to make it a very productive environment, the survey noted. On the other hand, the business costs of terrorism, crime and violence are points of concerns. But the country's greatest weakness is its macroeconomic stability, where it ranks a lowly 67th overall. Its burgeoning levels of public indebtedness -- at more than 60 per cent of gross domestic product -- suggest that the US is not preparing financially for its future liabilities. Interest payments will increasingly restrict its fiscal policy freedom going into the future, the survey warned. In second, third and fourth places were the Northern European countries of Switzerland, Denmark and Sweden, rounding off an unchanged top four. China continued to climb up the charts -- up four places to 30 -- helped by its large market and strong economic performance. Ninth-ranked Japan has a major competitive edge in the areas of business sophistication and innovation. Its overall performance, however, is dragged down by its macroeconomic weaknesses, with an extremely high budget deficit (ranked 110th), which have led to the build-up of one the highest public debt levels in the world (ranked 129th). As for Hong Kong, it is ranked first for its legal rights, capital flows and access to financing via the local equity market. But its small domestic market size and mixed performance in the areas of health and primary education, as well as higher education and training, were a drag on tis overall ranking.

John's mother

2008-10-12T19:26:00.000+08:00

We've been learning from women of the Bible... and we've finished learning from Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist.
Sharing the same name, I think I should learn more about her.... =) 'Cos I'm far than faithful and... tend to take over the control from God's hands. Here's what is written about her (LIFE Application Study Bible, NIV, Tyndale and Zondervan, 1995 -- page 2123).

E L I Z A B E T H

In societies like Israel, in which a woman's value was largely measured by her ability to bear children, to be aging and without children often led to personal hardship and public shame. For Elizabeth, a childless old age was a painful and lonely time during which she remained faithful to God. ...

Elizabeth whispered her praise as she cared for God's gift. Knowing about Mary must have made her marvel at God's timing. Things had worked out even better than she could have planned. We, too, need to remember that God is in control of every situation. When did you last pause to recognize God's timing in the events of your life?

Strengths and accomplishments:

Known as deeply spiritual woman
Showed no doubts about God's ability to fulfill his promise
Mother of John the Baptist
The first woman besides Mary to hear of the coming Savior

Lessons from her life:

God does not forget those who have been faithful to Him
God's timetable and methods do not have to conform to what we expect

"But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her wil be accomplished!" -- Luke 1:43-45

... because you're here!!!

2008-10-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

Kairos Course Consultation
27th September 2008

... because you're here!!!

Max Chismon reminded me to ponder some points...
The 1st challenge: What vision has He given you? What burdens?

The 2nd challenge: Where is He leading you?

The 3rd challenge: What are you doing with the opportunity God is giving you?
And the day after that, God reminded me from 1 Kings 18... to "go again seven times". I was reminded to pray fervently again for the current 3 'major' struggles... to continue in prayer and watching. It's been a few weeks that I feel discouraged, not seeking His will and guidance for the three fervently anymore.

28th: Puerto Rico

2008-09-23T23:25:00.000+08:00

I prayed for Puerto Rico on my birthday. I learned one thing about its "long unresolved issue of its political future" -- how people are torn between the present political status as a commonwealth linked to the USA, becoming US state, or complete independence.
Praying for Puerto Rico is possible just because I've reached the alphabet "P" of the "Operation World" book =p and it's been planned to pray for that country on the 21st of Sept. My birthday was celebrated today by colleagues. I had a present from the other "angels" -- we are Charlie's angels (Suying, Elin and I), with Cecile as the chief-angel. HAHAHAHAHAHA. We are Mr. Andrew's angels... And Care, our Thai student, gave me a heart-shaped candy... Mmuuacchh. So happy that she enjoyed joining me and Elin in the Bible study with Pastor Norman. The new class for the next module of TENT Course has commenced today. Hhhmmm... the lecturer is very senior, he's almost 60, filled with passion and rich of experiences.
After a day of sickness -- vomiting and weakness -- and a severe headache on last Sat, I finally felt better today. Geezzz... Keep on wishing that I would stay away from any hospitalization for this year...

my what-the-heck-a-country-is-this moments #1

2008-09-12T13:08:00.000+08:00

Have you ever realized how skinny most of Singaporean ladies are? Dr. Paul even critized this once, he told me about it in one of his emails.

Yep, they are very weight-conscious. Very. With 165 tall and 45 kg weight, they would still be complaining about their look... how flabby their arms are, or how bubbly their tummy is. Geezz.

Care, our student, showed me this poem -- her homework -- and it suddenly reminded me of how "competitive" Singapore is. I despise their education system -- they classify students based on their "ranks" at each level of schooling : classes for the stupidest, the intermediate, and the brainiest. Can you imagine that?!

It creates somehow the "typical" characteristic of a Singaporean. Most of them are competitive, "acknowledgement" is highly important. And because this is a city-state, they are quite narrow-minded >*<

The competition goes physical. The skinnier, the better ^o^

The ugly child by Elizabeth Jennings I heard them say, I’m ugly. I hoped it wasn’t true. I looked into the mirror To get a better view, And certainly my face seemed Uninteresting and sad. I wish that either it was good Or else just very bad. My eyes are green, my hair is straight, My ears stick out, my nose Has freckles on it all the year, I’m skinny as a hose. If only I could look as I Imagine I might be. Oh, all the crowds would turn and bow. They don’t – because I’m me.

thank You: how to say goodbye...

2008-09-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

I read Jeff's blog several minutes ago -- you know, Friendster always sends us notification whenever our friends update their blogs -- and it reminds me, again, how I have no control over anything in my life...
Even in the beginning of this "friendship", You already taught me of how to say goodbye... to really depend on You, trusting You, and thus reminding me that I have no control over anything.
In my prayers, I commit ourselves to You, Lord, may You speak to each of us personally... even if we're not meant for each other.
I thank You for this friendship... I thank You for him... I thank You for all that You've taught me through this friendship...

my Wowed-by-SG moments #1

2008-09-09T19:05:00.000+08:00

I visited Methodists Girls' School this morning with our School Counsellor. It's a huge area with foyers and 3-storey buildings, running track with tennis and basketball fields, special Sports Area, a big auditorium for its more than 1,000 students of Primary and Secondary school. I kept thinking that it was a private school until our Counsellor said that it's a government-school -- supported by the Methodist Church. Wowed by SG...
Indeed, it's very different with my perception that I brought along with me as an Indonesian, grew up -- with the privilege (as our Counsellor says) -- in private schools until I was in senior-high. One reason is that our government is poor, so the fund for education is "limited".
It was relieving and overwhelming to see the primary students walking around... They looked so cute with their small-sized bodies... ^o^
After handling an application for 2 African girls about 2 weeks ago, I was amazed today by the news that we had an inquiry from Kazakhstan. Wowed by SG... This country is getting more and more attractive for foreign students. SG is small, safe, student-friendly city-state and home of thousands of international companies.
I helped Care, our Thai student, doing her essay and Math homeworks. She sat on my table after school and started writing on her notepad (after Elin and I 'forced' her to do so. Hahahahaha). Her essay was fine (oh, she's 13, Secondary 1).
But when she showed me her Math homework, hhhmmm... I frowned. "Solving Equation & Inequalities" is written on the top.

x lemons are sold for $1. And 3 chillis are sold for y cents. Jamie buys 20 lemons and 21 lychees.

Hey, where's the chilli? It's not mentioned anymore until the end of the questionnaire. Hahahahahaha. Suying laughed when I told her this. So, I decided for Care that she should focus on lychees (as it's more compatible with lemon) and not chillis. LOL.
I began to develop some sympathy over this girl... She often says that she's a boy. Or that nobody loves her. And today, after helping a little with her homework, she told me how abusive her mother was. She told the story with grinning and laugh. And I am sure that there's a sad story behind it...
Dillion is Elin's friend's dog... cute.

"Integrated Life, Integral Mission"

2008-09-07T15:58:00.000+08:00

FES National

Conference 2008

The Salvation Army,

4-6 September 2008

Without taking any leave from office, I could only attend 4th and 5th night's sessions, and the whole day on the 6th.

I was touched by the sharing of an IVCF staff from Philippine who presented their ministry there. She told us on the stage how she almost took her own life last year -- as a child of a pastor, she's not immune of grief after her father passed away.

Seeing those presentations, I was overwhelmingly thankful for IVCF staff in Indonesia who worked closely with our campus ministry. Through them God has given me the best environment, resources to grow in Him during my university stint. I owe them.

I missed 1 plenary session by Vinoth Ramachandra. Hix hix hix. Wow... he was brilliant, answering questions during Q&A. Rika says, he's "extremely too smart". Hahahaha.

And he refused to be called "Dr Vinoth" =) Fonny and I took note of one of his sentences. A controversial answer...

"To say Calvinism is the whole Gospel is idolatry."

Bravo, Vinoth!!! And I'm afraid Rika has become one of his fans... ^__________^ I envied the student, a girl who sat beside him, 'cos we saw that Vinoth prayed for her after the conference was over ^o^

Again, I learned about obedience... As Vinoth reminds me, that what Jesus teaches is about obeying Him... if we can't be His disciples, how can we make disciples for Him?

I didn't really "like" or "enjoy" the Expository sessions... but the speaker has shared a lot from his exemplary life... his love and passion to serve a people-group in a particular country. He suggests us, not to only find His will, but also to consider whom we're going to marry, and how we handle our finance.

I was so grateful to be on a workshop led by Jim (but I missed the other two. Hix hix hix). I had another new perspective in short-term MTs. Wow... there's a truth in what he said, in his opinion. He regrets how billions of USD have been used for this short-term MTs in this very "all-is-getting-shorter-and-shorter-and-instant" world. But, as what he says, we should see it differently on a case-by-case basis -- long-term perspective, follow-up are important points for short-term MTs. I spoke to him for awhile after that and he said that his wife's name is Elizabeth, too ^________^

At the end of the conference, Jim asked us to lift up high our mobile phones and Bibles in our hands. It represents our partakings in God's mission in this world... be here to influence the world, in every aspect of our lives.

There's a call going out across the land in every nation

A call to those who swear allegiance to the cross of Christ

A call to true humility, to live our live responsibly

to deepen our devotion to the cross at any price

Let us then be sober, moving only in the Spirit

as aliens and strangers in a hostile foreign land

The message we're proclaiming is repentance and forgiveness

The offer of salvation to a dying race of man

*** To love the Lord our God

is the hearbeat of our mission

the spring from which our service overflows

Across the street or around the world

the mission's still the same

Proclaim and live the Truth in Jesus' name

72-12-3-1?

2008-09-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

made from genuine Swarovski beads and specially hand-made by Kim Do Young (our student) Our "bible study" with Pastor Norman has been started yesterday... Hhhmmm... learned a lot. Elin and I talked to him last week in the midst of the prom-night bash for our students... And he is sure that God has sent me (and Elin) to this school... ^________^ He then offered himself to lead a "bible study" for us, in "that project".
Elin is very cute... It was only my... 3rd day working, I guess, she already told me that I am an organized person. And a few days later told me that I am "cantik"... Hahahahaha. She initiated our breakfast-fellowship... and we learned to pray for our colleagues, our boss(es), our principal... and the struggles that we have in this school.
Pastor Norman gave us his new book, Can you answer these Questions? and signed it for us. But he made us promise him to read it ^o^ I asked for a 3-month deadline. Hahaahhaha.
He writes...

"Dear Elizabeth, choose a few and mentor them." Norman

thank You: trusting...

2008-09-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

I've been sharing with Steph what God has been telling me... and how flabbergasted I am. And... she personally agrees that it's about trusting Him...
For these few days He's been telling me...

"Trust in Him at all times..." [psalm 62:8]

"... Unless you people see signs and wonders, you will by no means believe." [john 4:48]

"The Lord tests the righteous, ..." [psalm 11:5]

I've been sensing this from the difficulties, 'betrayal' and the fraud, deception that happened to me at least since last year... There is a strong sense that I must learn that I have no control over anything. I must learn to fully depend on Him. And...... citing Steph, He is sovereign, He is in control, He has your very best in mind... God is working in your life through these different things to "grow you up" and mature you in your relationship with Him.
I feel so blessed that God gives me Steph. I notice that... I barely able to share these kind of things with my peers, people of my age... Esp that we don't share the same so-called ways in communicating with Him... I recall clearly how devastated I was (early this year) when I felt despised by some friends because I truly talk with God through His Words daily to me and in my prayers...

I called Mama this morning (reaching home at at least 10.30 pm for yesterday, today and tomorrow, for the FES National Conference)... so, decided to call her in the morning.
This is the A&W waffle that I had with Mama last month... ^_________^ nice!!!

PhD = permanent-head-damage

2008-09-05T16:52:00.000+08:00

Doctorate... Hhhmmm... fascinating! I had a chat with Ado today. He's still in Leeds, UK. And he's planning to have a doctorate degree in the US...

Ado, Asa, Febi and I were used to "compete" for the top-three ranks during our junior-high stint ^O^ Ado and Asa proceeded to SMUN 8, while Febi and I went to SMUK I... And the 2 guys still complained about the pressure that they got from their teachers to compete with our school. Hahahahaha. ...what a history!
Sometimes Febi will communicate with me thru Facebook or Friendster... She's now in Belgium with Nathan (her "bundle of joy") and her husband. We've been friends for... more than 10 years. And yesterday in her message she told me that, although I'm far away from her, she somehow feels the closeness with me and shares the same thoughts as mine. *terharu*

And here's the picture of a beagle getting a fake PhD degree with US$599. He's cute...

BBPC -- Indonesian Congregation celebrates...

2008-09-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

GPBB, Kebaktian II 24 August 2008
We celebrated our church's 13th birthday... I'm so thankful that we learn to be a sender-church... I was touched that last Sunday we prayed for a student in our church's domestic workers' fellowship who was returning home to Indonesia. I'm so thankful that we keep on learning and striving to support financially the missions-oriented institutions.
It was a simple way to celebrate and to give thanks to the Lord... there was a birthday cake with candles and we prayed and sang our mars...

Mars GPBB

Teks: Billy Wiguna

Aransemen: Sie Musik & Ibadah

Hai G'reja Presbiterian Bukit Batok, mari bangkitlah layani Sang Raja. Ayo kita satukan langkah bersama, bekerja menuai jiwa. Tetap teguh terus bertumbuh, banyak berbeda tapi satu k'luarga. Terus maju s'bagai satu tubuh, ikut Kristus Sang Kepala G'reja. Waktu kita mungkin 'kan singkat, ingat selalu visi yang Tuhan beri: menjadi saksi, menjadi berkat, bagi Indonesia ibu pertiwi.
Selamat ulangtahun!

thank You: teach me...

2008-08-30T14:43:00.000+08:00

I had lunch with JTG, Fonny, Sienny and Rika today... So glad to meet Sienny, to be able to share with her my struggle in my new job, the so-called moral responsibility that I should bear... and I told her too, how I struggled more after my business trip, meeting our business partners in Malaysia.
When I was in the midst of the talk with our business partners, I suddenly realized the painful fact that... these people do not have the passion for education. To them, education is just a business. And... it breaks my heart.
And I shared too, about our humble hotel in Sitiawan, a small city in Perak state, in Malaysia. And the humble school that I visited there... How all of those things had taught me that... I am sssooo far away from the 'characters' needed in missions field. *so embarassing* I talk to Him more nowadays, in prayers... God, give me the strength. Ajar Lisa, Tuhan... Pardon me, Lord, kalo Lisa sulit diajar... teach me, Lord. I have nothing in this fallen world, all is Yours. Rika told us about the Chapmans in Larry King's show... a lesson of faith.

thank You: heal me...

2008-08-30T10:32:00.000+08:00

I do feel the pain... struggling with this feeling-business. I read Steph's reply just now... and yep, she's right, I began to see the cultural differences. Esp regarding the concept of "friendship". I actually compared it with a study case presented in a workshop that I attended in GoForth Conference... *isn't it funny, making a comparison with a study-case in missions field* Wow, cultural differences... I experience it in a very different way now. And I don't know that it could be this painful. Steph says that I am obviously melancholy and introspective. LOL. So thankful that she prays for me... Telling her too that in the midst of the pain and fear, I feel the peace too, came from the prayers that I had a few days ago, in my hotel room when I was on my business trip. God talked to me this morning from Jeremiah 17:14 and Isaiah 57:18. He will heal me... of the existing wounds... and of the coming wounds that may come as a result of this struggle.

Kami mematahkan setiap siasat orang dan merubuhkan setiap kubu yang dibangun oleh keangkuhan manusia untuk menentang pengenalan akan Allah. Kami menawan segala pikiran dan menaklukkannya kepada Kristus.

[2 Korintus 10:5]

thank You: it hurts...

2008-08-29T12:40:00.000+08:00

I've just returned from a business trip... Gosh! How I hate travelling... ^o^ I like things move in stability and in routine around me. But, again, I take it as a preparation for me before entering the "real field". Sitiawan, Perak -- Malaysia (27th August 2008) In the midst of the exhibition that I attended, I felt the urge to pray... suddenly I was overwhelmed by somekind of 'sadness', but I was not so sure. I entered my room after the exhibition ended -- the exhibition was held in the same hotel where I stayed -- and prayed. Thanked God for... him. Thanked God for the chance He has given that we met last year. Thanked God for... Steph, her encouragement and advices (for a 'stupid', silly like me. Hohohoho). Thanked God for... everything. I told Him that He was the One who began this good, wonderful thing... and claimed that He will continue His works in each of us. Asked Him to heal me, protect my heart and... teach me. Praying, I suddenly sang this song quietly...

Thank you Lord for the trials that come my way, in that way I can grow each day as I let You lead. And thank You, Lord, for the patience those trials bring, in that process of growing I can learn to care. But it goes against the way I am, to put my human nature down, and let the Spirit take control of all I do. For when those trials come, my human nature shouts the things to do; and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.
I thank You Lord with each trial I feel inside, that You're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong. 'Cause You promised, Lord, that with every testing, that Your way of escaping is easier to bear.
*** But it goes against the way I am to put my human nature down, and let the Spirit take control of all I do. For when those trials come, my human nature shouts the thing to do; and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

I thank You Lord for the victory that growing brings, in surrender of everything life is so worthwhile. And I thank You Lord that when everything's put in place, out in front I can see Your face, and it's there You belong.

I read Steph's reply during lunch break and... almost cried. I told her how I felt that I am putting myself at risk... being a woman, who tend to be more vulnerable... I think, I'll get hurt... As Christians, however, we have a God who holds the “hearts of princes” in His hands and rules the waves and the seas. God will fulfill His purposes in our lives one way or another. He wants us to learn to trust Him----that He does the right thing in the right way at the right time with the right motive to produce the right results! If we can absorb that truth and “rest” in His sovereignty our lives will be much less complicated and worrisome and so much more fruitful and fulfilled.

with prayers...

"The Best Is Yet To Be"

2008-08-22T22:07:00.001+08:00

stewardship in schools Methodist Schools' Staff Get-Together at Anglo-Chinese Junior College, 22 August 2008

I met Chiny on Yahoo!Messenger yesterday... and shared with her how "interdenominational" I am. LOL. Grew up in a Calvinist presbyterian church, experiencing the turning-point of my spiritual life in interdenominational campus ministry, and then moving to SG I spent 3.5 years of struggling in a reformed-evangelical church, and now I have a membership with a presbyterian church... But Rika says, Presbyterian is very weak in missions, while Baptist has a strong flavor of it.

Tonight I sat in the midst of hundreds of teachers and staff of Methodist schools -- 15 of us in SG. Bishop Dr Robert Solomon was the speaker -- and I wasn't attentive to his sermon... *oooppsss... sorrryyy* And "The Best Is Yet To Be" is their motto.

Today was tiring. And I began to realize that adapting with a particular colleague would be a new challenge. I was... kinda grateful, that although I had the chance to be "forever-queen" at home, suffering (and living in SG) has been a great means to mold me. *just trying to be patient towards her*

We (my flatmates and I, and many other friends) used to despise Singapore Idol and Miss Singapore Universe... *ooppsss* Well, with 4 million population (half of them are foreigners) it is a considerable factor why SG is weak in its "art" (their contestants for the forementioned shows have poor performance and the ladies are not beautiful). When we attended GoForth Conference, the 1st comment from Rika was, "Why do they always choose him to be worship leader?" (Disclaimer: apparently, almost for all national events, the worship leader is always the same person)

But another reason is, SG does not suffer enough. Sufferings make people "creative", somehow.

=================

Teacher's Pledge

We the teachers of the Methodist Schools in Singapore.

pledge that we will be true to our calling and mission

to bring out the best in our pupils.

We will be exemplary in the discharge of our duties

and responsibilities.

We will guide our pupils to be good

and useful citizens.

We will continue to learn

and pass on the love of learning to our pupils.

We will win the trust, support and co-operation

of parents and the community

so as to enable us to achieve our mission.

We will serve with integrity, to the glory of God.

>>>>>>>><<<<<<<

little things

2008-08-21T19:42:00.000+08:00

Little Things

When we were growing up our parents taught us, by both word and example, to pay attention to little things. If you do a thing at all, do it thoroughly: make the sheets really smooth on the bed, sweep all the corners and move all the chairs when you sweep the kitchen, roll the toothpaste tube neatly and put the cap back on, clean the hair out of your brush each time you use it, hang your towel straight on the rod, fold your napkin and put it into the silver ring before you leave the table, never wet your finger when you turn pages. They kept promises made to us as faithfully as they kept those made to adults. They taught us to do the same. You didn't accept an invitation to a party and then not turn up, or agree to help with the Vacation Bible School and back out because a more interesting activity presented itself. The only financial debt my parents ever incurred was a mortgage on a house, which my father explained was in a special class because it was real estate which would always have value.

When I went to boarding school the same principles I had been taught at home were emphasized. There was a hallway with small oriental rugs which we called "Character Hall" because the headmistress, Mrs. DuBose, could look down that hall from the armchair where she sat in the lobby and spot any student who kicked up the corner of a rug and did not replace it. She would call out to correct him, "It's those tiny little things in your life which will crack you up when you get out of this school!" In the little things our character was revealed. Our response would make or break us. "Don't go around with a Bible under your arm if you didn't sweep under the bed," she said, for she would have no pious talk coming out of a messy room.

"Great thoughts go best with common duties. Whatever therefore may be your office regard it as a fragment in an immeasurable ministry of love" (Bishop Brooke Foss Westcott, b. 1825).

It is not easy to find children or adults who are dependable, careful, thorough, and faithful. So many lives seem honeycombed with small failures, neglectful of the little things that make the difference between order and chaos. Perhaps it is because they are so seldom taught that visible things are signs of invisible reality; that common duties may be "an immeasurable ministry of love". The spiritual training of souls must be inseparable from practical disciplines, as Jesus so plainly taught; "The man who can be trusted in little things, can be trusted in great; the man who is dishonest in little things will be dishonest in great. If then you cannot be trusted with money, that tainted thing, who will trust you with genuine riches! And if you cannot be trusted with what is not yours, who will give you what is your very own?" (Luke 16:10-12, JB). (The footnote to "your very own" says, "Jesus is speaking of the most intimate possessions a man can have; these are spiritual.")

"Keep a Quiet Heart" -- Elisabeth Elliot *************************************************** struggling to understand others... esp those who have problems with "little things" discipline at home -- sweep your floor, wash the plate after you use it or at least put it immediately at the sink, ask for permission when you use someone else's things, etc -- particularly when you live in, share and occupy the same apartment with other people. ADJUSTMENT, I believe, is the key... ^___________^ jia you!

p-r-o-c-r-a-s-t-i-n-a-t-i-n-g

2008-08-21T18:27:00.001+08:00

apologetic... That's what Steph says about me... Mmmm... I explained it to her. weeping this morning when He spoke to me...

Tidak pernah Aku berkata dengan sembunyi

atau di tempat bumi yang paling gelap.

Tidak pernah Aku menyuruh keturunan Yakub

untuk mencari Aku dengan sia-sia!

Aku, TUHAN, selalu berkata benar,

selalu memberitakan apa yang lurus. Yesaya 45:19

We may gain much comfort by considering what God has not said. What He has said is inexpressibly full of comfort and delight; what He has not said is hardly less rich in consolation. It was one of these "said nots" that preserved the kingdom of Israel in the days of Jeroboam, the son of Joash. "The Lord said not that he would blot out the name of Israel from under heaven" (2 Kings 4:27, emphasis added). In our text, we have an assurance that God will answer prayer, because He "said not unto the seed of Jacob, Seek ye me in vain." You who say bitter things against yourselves should remember that, no matter what your doubts and fears may say, if God has not cut you off from mercy, there is no room for despair. Even the voice of conscience is of little weight if it is not seconded by the voice of God. What God has said, tremble at! But do not allow false ideas to overwhelm you with depondency and sinful despair. Many timid people have been troubled by the suspicion that there may be something in God's decree that shuts them out from hope. Yet here is a complete refutation of that troublesome fear, for no true seeker can be decreed to wrath: "I have not spoken in secret, in a dark place of the earth: I said not [even in the secret of My unsearchable decree] unto the seed of Jacob, Seek ye me in vain" (Isa 45:19). God has clearly revealed that He will hear the prayer of those who call on Him, and that declaration cannot be contravened. He has so firmly, so truthfully, so righteously spoken that there can be no room for doubt. He does not reveal His mind in unintelligible words, but He speaks plainly and positively, "Ask, and ye shall receive" (John 26:24). Trembling one, believe these sure truths--that prayer must and will be heard, and that never, even in the secrets of eternity, has the Lord said to any living soul, "Seek ye me in vain."

Perhaps, You really want me to ask for it... to seek Your will for it... 'cos I've never asked for it before. I used to think that... I don't deserve it.

I said not unto the seed of Jacob, Seek ye me in vain. -- Isaiah 45:19

unWANTED: roti john

2008-08-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

I was planning to go directly to Rika's office on last Mon -- we had a meeting for the upcoming Christmas. But, a colleague asked me to join her accompanying Care (that's how we call her 'cos her name is very Thai in flavor and thus difficult for us to pronounce. LOL), a Thai student, for a dinner. Care is a cheerful girl, she could storm into our Corporate Office, laughing and jumping and talking altogether... LOL. Without hesitation, she even once asked me to comb her long hair and made a ponytail. So, we (Care and I) had our first Roti John for dinner ^_________^ My colleague, a Singaporean, was so delighted to accompany us. Yep, been in SG for 4 years now and that was my very first time eating Roti John. Hahahahahaha. Many friends of mine mostly couldn't stop understand how "slow" I am. Roti John is very interesting... but... quite 'nothing' compares to our martabak manis and martabak telor in Indonesia. Our school counsellor said that Care was very quiet when she first came. With her family background, it is understandable that she feels abandoned, esp by her mother. And according to our school counsellor, there are a lot of them here in our school... I told him that it sounds similar with the patients at hospital... When I come for my volunteering, they are mostly alone, without family members coming to visit them and surrounding them with care. Unwanted. Many of these students are unwanted children... Our school counsellor said that many of them are sent here to SG because their family do not want to take good care of them. Well, my colleague and I paid for the dinner, hopefully it will cheer Care up ^________^ **************** Kak Muti will come in few days ahead... a surgery needs to be done. I hope I could be in the best assistance for her. I referred her to Dr Vanaja Kalaichelvan, my gynaecologist. But... Kak Muti didn't tell me who's going to perform the surgery... I am not sure that Dr Vanaja does that. She's estimated to stay in for 3 days post surgery. Wow, technology has been improving.