Less than a month after my arrival, I find myself having a new interest: enjoying the bagpipes playing. They're pretty much everywhere; on the street, at the park and sometimes just outside my hall as evening comes and I could hear it through the window. The melancholy songs bring sadness, or rather, enhance it.
Psychological tests suggest how people with melancholic temperament are fundamentally introverted, (overly) pondering/thoughtful. As I am letting go of someone matters so much for me, I am pondering on the pain caused by his rejection, bringing to Him the feelings I have for him and asking Him what this feeling means. It hurt because it mattered.
Assessing my pain, I see how rejection as the source of the wounds. It is interesting to read some articles on this. Rejection causes pain, a different kind of pain caused by physical injuries - but apparently it is the same region in our brain that reacts to both rejection and physical pain.
In fact, brain scans show that the very same brain regions get activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. Remarkably, the two systems are so tightly linked that when scientists gave people acetaminophen (Tylenol) before putting them through the dastardly ball-tossing rejection experiment, they reported significantly less emotional pain than people who were not given a pain reliever. Sadly, other negative emotions like embarrassment do not share these characteristics, rendering Tylenol ineffective when we get the date wrong for our office Halloween party and show up to work dressed like Marge Simpson. (Guy Winch, 2013, Rejection is more powerful than you think)
The pain is still here, yet I have forced myself to resolve this, having peace with my 'thorn'. Twice He has told me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Thank You for bearing with me, Father.