Monday, September 30, 2013

The 'I wish you knew's.

Glasgow, Scotland,
Day 24

The sermon this evening was encouraging.  Not that I've never heard this before, but it was somewhat one of those I find difficult to relate.

Our pastor helped me to see an example from the Scripture how Paul defended himself to the Corinthians, as I felt that I've been misunderstood.
The signs of a true apostle were performed among you with utmost patience, with signs and wonders and mighty works.  For in what were you less favored than the rest of the churches, except that I myself did not burden you? Forgive me this wrong!
I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls.  If I love you more, am I to be loved less?
2 Corinthians 12:11-21

I'm not sure if this is cultural or just personality, as I sat in the pew I was thinking... It's just life, God, people misunderstand each other all the time. 
My cases were surely... so trivial compared to what Paul experienced.  But the Scripture is indeed relevant across culture, across continents, across generations.  Our pastor did take examples from current situations of misunderstanding.  So, what do I have to say to defend myself?  In where I'm from, as a woman, not old enough to prove I deserve to be paid attention to when I speak up, defending myself before others is something our people tend not to do... 
Or perhaps the question is, what sort of misunderstanding that is worth defending for?  How do I choose my battles?
Earlier over dinner I heard myself telling my adopted sister part of the story; how I've let someone to be a 'controller' over me and how that creates misunderstanding... I told my adopted sister how I tried to "fix" my 'controller', when at the same I was her victim, and how I finally gave up. 
I still felt eerie each time I remembered what the controlling friend did to me; and that it happened just several months ago.   

My adopted sister, being extroverted as she is, joyfully told me, "You're free from her now! You're miles away from her!"
She is right, I'm now free from my 'controller', yet I knew, I've been misunderstood and victimized and left puzzling... I didn't even want to be in this battle; but someone else had created this and I'm now here to pick up the ruin.

picture: courtesy of Discover Northern Ireland; mountain Slieve Bearnagh (from the Irish: Sliabh Bearna

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