Queens. Princesses. Mothers. Sisters. Daughters.

I lost a cousin a couple of days ago.  We met in several occasions in our childhood, a son of my dad's younger sister.  Sadly, because we didn't live in the same city and I was never much in touch with him, I vaguely remember his face.  They said my cousin's death was sudden, he just finished playing soccer with his friends when it happened.  


Losing... As we age, the more loss we would have in life.  Losing my physical strength, slowly but surely. Losing people, as they leave me for another country or they leave me forever because they died, etc.  Yea, I knew that fact.  Yet I find myself being taught again and again to let go a hold of things I don't surrender to my Father.  To let go. To lose.  
I'm learning to lose my hold on this one.  The turbulence will be great ahead... It will crush me as it is already now.  As I weep...  


Why did You create me as a woman? 

           And of course, the salvation of mankind rested on the courage of a woman, a teenage girl.  What if she had said no?  What if any of them had said no?To try and give honor to women in the sweep of history is impossible here.  ... ...  From the beginning, Eve was God's gift to the world--his ezer kenegdo for us.  History is still unfolding, and your existence on this earth as a woman is proof that you have an irreplaceable role to play. You are a woman, are you not?  An ezer kenegdo to your core.  Your lingering disbelief (may it be fading away) that anything important hangs on your life is only evidence of the long assault on your heart by the one who knows who you could be and fears you.          

          There is much life saving that needs to be done yet, ... ... ...  Your feminine heart is an invitation by your Creator.  To what? To play an irreplaceable role in his Story. Isn't that what your Lover wrote there?  Some dream, some desire, something so core to who you are it almost hurts to think of it.  The very longing is such a part of your being it's scary even to give it a voice.  You may not know the dream itself yet.  But you know the longing to play an irreplaceable part.  That is a good beginning.           

         Ezer is woven into the fabric of your feminine heart.  You must live this out.  What lives, what destinies are hanging on your yes to God?
                                                                     (Captivating, "An Irreplaceable Role", 207)

    
... I cry to you for help and you do not answer me;
I stand, and you only look at me...
(Job)