It started in the garden.
Notice--who does the Evil One go after? Who does Satan single out for his move against the human race? He could have chosen Adam... but he didn't. Satan went after Eve. He set his sights on her. Have you ever wondered why? It might have been that he, like any predator, chose what he believed to be the weaker of the two. There is some truth to that. ... But we believe there is more. Why does Satan make Eve the focus of his assault on humanity? "A Special Hatred", Captivating, 84.
It was a mind-breaking moment when I learned that... No, I did not sin by having this desire, as the Creator of this world longs for Romance; it is God who longs to be our ezer; it is God who reveals beauty as essential to life. You are the image bearer of this God. That is why you long for those things too. Yet, I sin when I shut my heart down, as I let myself to be held prisoner to the wounds and the messages of those wounds... It has been devastating that I learned to hide my vulnerability, hide my heart, fear of being 'too much' and unsafe.
And most of you are living with the guilt that somehow it's your fault you aren't more deeply pursued now. That you do not have an essential role in a great adventure. That you have no beauty to unveil. The message of our wounds nearly always is, "This is because of you. This is what you deserve." It changes things to realize that, no, it is because you are glorious that these things happened. It is because you are powerful. It is because you are a major threat to the kingdom of darkness. Because you uniquely carry the glory of God to the world.
You are hated because of your beauty and power. "A Special Hatred", Captivating, 86.
Ever since Papa died, I've always given high appreciation to older men who care for me... Appreciate their advices, their opinions, etc. It points out, again, on how my Enemy had a hand in all of this.
"Back off," or, "Leave her alone," or, "You don't really want to go there--she'll be too much for you" is something Satan has sent against every woman from the day of her birth. It's the emotional and spiritual equivalent of leaving a little girl by the side of the road to die. And to every woman he has whispered, "You are alone," or "When they see who you really are, you will be alone," or "No one will ever truly come for you." "A Special Hatred", Captivating, 89.
Fear of abandonment. And as I fear, I am unconsciously and consciously taking over the control of my life into my own hands. That's the work of my Enemy...
If he didn't arrange for the assault directly--and certainly human sin has a large enough role to play--then he made sure he drove the message of the wounds home into your heart. He is the one who has dogged your heels with shame and self-doubt and accusation. He is the one who offers the false comforters to you in order to deepen your bondage. He is the one who has done these things in order to prevent your restoration. For that is what he fears. He fears who you are; what you are; what you might become. He fears your beauty and your life-giving heart. "A Special Hatred", Captivating, 91.
Praise! For there is One greater than my Enemy. One who has sought you out from the beginning of time. He has come to heal your broken heart and restore your feminine soul.
But, if you find me too reserved sometimes, yes... it's part of my culture to be shy and reserved even when I'm holding great feelings for you. My culture. That's all.