wounded...

my worst nightmare came true... I broke in tears and keep questioning God for His guidance for this whole nearly-a-year journey of praying for I-know-who... His guidance is consistently asking me to "wait" and "pray"... and to "obey"... But why? It reminded me of my own parents... my mum became a believer because she got married to my dad... I'm confused now... I had tried to stop praying for him -- just last month! -- only to be warned by the Words, for the next 3 consecutive days, NOT to stop praying... And tonight's seminar from Gordon Smith taught me not to make decision, not to choose in desolation... as I'm wounded now and breaking in tears again...